Parenthood

I love my kids more than anything else on this earth. Let me start by saying that. They are the best things that have ever happened to me. However, this whole parenting thing is scary sometimes.

Most of the time it's pretty cool....like when we are watching "Blue's Clues" or playing. Oftentimes it is joyful....like when your child says "I love you Momma" for the first time. But there are moments in the middle of the night, when my children are asleep and they look so beautiful and innocent, that the full import of what I and my husband are trying to do here comes crashing down on me.

I am trying to raise good people. I am trying to raise happy, healthy, responsible, loving, Christian people. I am trying to teach them to be just, fairminded, tolerant and giving. They are little people now so sometimes I forget that they will be big one day, with their own thoughts and ideas. When that day comes, will they look back on their childhoods fondly or will they tell me that I could have been a better parent? Will they be close to me or will they see me as an embarassment because I am loud and opinionated and goofy? Will I ever make the fatal mistake of driving them away? Or will I remain an integral part of their lives?

I take my responsibility for raising my boys seriously. I will have to teach them how to treat women, how to develop patience, how to keep their heads up no matter what the situation. I even have to teach them the simple things like putting the toilet seat down or how much to tip in a restaurant (some future wife and waiter are gonna thank me!)

Right now, I and their father are the center of their universe. But as they grow into young boys and then into men, their focus is going to shift and, petty as this sounds, it is going to be painful. But I want it happen when it is supposed to because that will mean they are becoming men, not just grown bodies, but true men. And I am responsible for making sure that they get off to the right start on their journey and that they have a strong foundation on which to build the rest of their lives.

I want my kids to know how much I love them and even on the days when they hate me (and there will be some of those I know) my love for them will not flag or flinch or be diminished in any way. And whether they are CEOs or garbage men there is no difference to me. They will always be my babies in my heart, even when I will no longer be able to treat them as such.

Peace......