Fashion Tips For Dining Out

I am the last person in the world to try to deny anyone their freedom of expression, especially when it comes to their clothing or personal style. However, I do have a couple of requests for those fashion challenged customers that come into my local watering hole....

You, the guy with the pierced ear with the Masterlock hanging from it...not only is that visually unappealing but it is also dreadfully unsanitary.

You, the guy who comes in and sits in a booth and then proceeds to take your shoes off. This is just flat out nasty and not to mention you have a bad case of 'stanky feet.'

You, lady, the one who wears a size 16 but you have yourself poured into a pair of size 12 jeans topped off with a baby t-shirt. Cover that mess up right now. That's all I can say about you because that is just so wrong on so many different levels.......just cover it up.

You, the one who falls asleep at the table because you are too drunk to stay awake, please next time bring a pillow with you so I won't have to bring you extra napkins to get the grits off of your face.

You, lady who wears next to nothing while out clubbing in sub-freezing temperatures, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, come in here and immediately say "Ooooh, it's cold in here!" You weren't feeling the cold when you were sucking down Jaegermeister, don't cry about it now. Put some clothes on or at the very least wear a jacket.

You, big footed men, keep your feet out of the walkways or I will step on your ankles on my way by....I promise. I don't care what kind of athlete-endorsed hoof covers you have on.

You, people who wear fur coats or leather jackets or motorcycle helmets, please don't use the next booth as your personal coat closet, unless your coats are gonna tip me too.

Ladies, if you're gonna get drunk and come in here, please freshen up your makeup before you do. It is no fun waiting on a drunk woman who looks like Rocky the Raccoon.

Men, if you're gonna get drunk and come in here, please button up your shirts and pull up your pants. It's the least you can do.

And those are my style tips for the day. See ya on the red carpet!!

Peace......