My Name Is Lila!..and Other Idiosyncrasies

I hate it when telemarketers call your house and ask for you by your first name. The main reason I hate this (aside from them interrupting my life in the first place) is they always, without fail, pronounce my name wrong.

My name is Lila. Pronounced like this:"lie-la". Not Lela, Lilla, Lola, Lisa, Linda, Latoya, or Layla. LILA.....pretty simple I always thought. (See, my mother was a teacher and understanding the educational downfalls in some parts of Alabama, she thought she was giving me an easy name for everyone to read. Plus, Delilah would have thrown most people into a phonics coronary.) Not so simple for everyone else it turns out. (Plus,living in the south, I have had to endure the "Lala" from people who don't know how pronounce their i's.)

Speaking of my name, I am a waitress. When I approach a table, I introduce myself and then I say "How are you this evening/morning?" No I really don't want to know but it is standard protocol for me to ask. Please, when I say "how are you?", the correct response is not "sweet tea" or "coffee". I know, I know, I hate engaging in these trite rituals of concern for my fellow man at times, but, alas, it must be done. So please just share in the moment.

Also, two rules of etiquette when dining out:

1. Never, ever, ever snap at me. I mean never take your middle finger and thumb and make that annoying clicking sound in my direction. At best it will get you ignored, at worst it will get you a verbal throttling.

2. Never, ever, ever, no matter how drunk you may be, attempt to slap, grab or otherwise make contact with my backside. If you do, I can guarantee that you will end up wearing your entire meal. (This actually did happen to me a couple of years ago, and yes I stick by my word. And he still had to pay for his meal, poor thing.)

I have been accused by one co-worker (jokingly....I think) that I intimidate my customers and they are afraid not to tip me and that's why I make so much money. Personally, I think it's because of my charming personality;-). Oh, well, we may never know.

Well, I gotta go...the phone's ringing. Let's see if they can get my name right this time.

Peace.....