I know...... ..I know I haven't been around like I should.

I know that I have neglected my blog terribly.

I know that I'm a rotten person and a horrible individual.

But I still love you all!!!

WISHING EACH AND EVERYONE ONE OF YOU A WONDERFULLY BLESSED AND BRIGHT CHRISTMAS!!

And may God bless us every one!

Peace alllllllllllllll..........................

Tired, Tired and More Tired

I am so tired. Not necessarily physically tired, although there is that, but just tired of things going on around me lately. I have tried to ignore them but they have just taken over.

I am tired of morning talk shows on the radio. I don't turn on the radio because I want to hear someone flapping their gums. I turn on the radio because I want to hear some music. Music, please. And yet, between the hours of 5 a.m. and 11 a.m. I cannot find any music on the radio. All I hear are people talking and talking and talking about what they like and what they don't like and what this country should do about that country and on and on and on and blah, blah and blah. I can talk to myself and hear that. First thing in the morning is when I need a pick me up, a boost, a little jumpstart. I want to hear, no I NEED to hear "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister or "Working for the Weekend" by Loverboy on the way home from taking the kids to school. I don't need to hear someone's opinion on why frog penis is the new wonder drug.

I am tired of having this whole "go green......or else" issue shoved down my throat. I am a tree hugger, yes I am. Have been since I was a kid, when it was considered weird or hippyish. But this thing today has long since ceased to be about the environment. This is a political movement, a force if you will, that has taken on a life of its own. Someone must be making a whole lottttttt of money off of this. Going green has become fashionable, not necessarily conscionable. And it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Speaking of bad tastes in the mouth, I am also tired of people telling me that if I eat meat, then I must not love animals. Are you nuts?? Much like the tree hugging, I have been an animal rights activist most of my life. I wrote a letter to then President Ford protesting animal testing when I was 8 years old, so please spare me. If you don't know me, then don't attempt to put me in the box where you think I belong.

I am tired of the eternal infernal celebrity news coverage on television.

I am tired of people's lives being reduced to sound bites on the 6 o'clock news.

I am tired of the educational system leaving NO room for individuality in children and attempting to either force them into a cookie cutter mold or labeling them as "problematic". And then, in a move of the utmost hypocrisy, telling them to "be themselves".

And I am tired of my husband just dropping his stuff (clothes, books, work manuals) wherever it lands and then expecting me to know what happened to it the next day. Just because I happen to be the ONLY one that cleans the house, what does that make me a suspect:)?

And now I am really tired, so I think I'll take a nap.

Peace alllllllllllllllllll................

Politics Again?

First of all, let me start by saying that I really am very uncomfortable with discussing politics. I have my personal opinions and I don't expect them to be anyone else's opinion and we all have the freedom to think what we like. Okay, having said that, I really need to say this.

For those of you who may not realize it, the election is over. Okay? OVER. Whoever you voted for at this point is irrelevant. The deed is done, the die is cast and so on. And yet people are still yapping about it like there is something left to be done, like forgetting to turn the stove off.

One of the things that I have been seeing lately that is really igging me (igging is not a real word I know, but it's one of mine:)) is this all out Republican attack on Sarah Palin. You can't blame her for McCain's loss. Sure, there were a lot of people who didn't agree with her personal politics. Sure, there were a lot of vegetarians who were simply abhorred at the fact that she would shoot a moose. Sure, there were a lot of redneck men jealous that she could shoot a moose. (That's not women's work ya know!) And there are even more people who didn't like her for whatever reason, from her politics to the style of her eyeglasses. I really do not think that is why they didn't vote for McCain.

See, when I vote, I like to think of myself as voting FOR someone, not necessarily AGAINST someone. I vote for the person I would like to see in office, not against someone I don't want to see there. See? It's all in how you look at it. And I don't think that Palin wielded that kind of influence over millions of votes. Just get off her back and let it go already. Scapegoating never looks good on anyone.

And this whole is Obama a real citizen issue. I don't know and at this point I don't care. *GASP* "Why!?!" you may ask. Well, I'll tell you why. All of this garbage about the man's citizenship should have been resolved before he was ever allowed to run. And yes, I say "allowed" because there are rules one must follow to participate in the privilege of running for President. If he was not following those rules, if he didn't fit the criteria, before he started running, something should have been done about it then. It's a little too late now. It's kind of like being in labor and deciding to put the baby back. Ummmmm.....you can't do that. And in trying, it looks rather sad and desperate. The man did win, some say fair and square, others say not. But the upshot is, that he will be taking office in January. And since he will be our leader, I will give him just as much respect and courtesy as I have our previous leaders:)

Exactly.

So, can't we all just get along?

Just my opinion.

Peace alllllllllllllllllll.......................

Mr. President

Last night, as I was taking out the trash, I stopped out by the curb and listened. In the distance I could hear fireworks going off and maybe two, three streets over I heard a woman shout "OBAMA I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY!!" (did I mention I love my neighborhood?:)) And although I do not want to have President elect Obama's baby, (I have enough of my own and Grover's thank you), I do wish him the absolute best during his term. A lot of people are looking for great things and today, this country seems more hopeful than it has in a long time.

I only wish my mom and Rachel's parents (and a long list of other people) could have been alive to see this. Wow. I wish that I could be more eloquent but I can't so I'll just leave it at that.

Wow.

Peace allllllllllll...................

Just wanted to stop by and wish everyone a

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!

Stay safe!!

Peace allllllllll.........................

Because Some Days

Because some days I just shouldn't leave the house.

We ran out of pickles today and so I decided to hop in the car and run to the dollar store real quick and buy some. The dollar store is maybe a quarter of a mile from our house. Two turns and you're there. Fine. It was on the second turn that I cut the wheels a little too close I guess and hit the curb with the front and back tires....HARD. Rattled my nerves a little, not to mention the fact that it was quite embarassing. But I trudge on to the dollar store anyway. Grabbed a little basket, got my pickles, put them in the basket and went to stand in line at the check-out. (This store always has a line....ALWAYS...and the slowest cashiers in the land.....but they're close so whatareyagonnado?) Waiting in line and I don't know how this happened but some way or another my pickles flipped out of my little basket and fell to the floor, in an explosion of glass and pickle juice. (Did I mention I was like 5th in a line of 11?) Oh, what fun. Young girl came out to clean up the mess and I helped her get it cleaned up, because I felt incredibly guilty for being so incredibly clumsy, lost my place in line and waited another 10 minutes, still horribly embarassed, before I could finally pay for my pickles and leave.

Upon leaving the dollar store, I realized I needed to go across the street to the convenience store and pick up a bag of ice (no the dollar store doesn't sell it and even if it did, I would not have gone back in there). So, I went across the street, parked in that madhouse maze between the gas pumps, half of which were out of order and the other half of which were simply out of gas, went in the store and bought my ice. Came out, everything's lovely. Tossed the bag of ice on the front passenger seat. You know, the comfy, cushy, upholstered front passenger seat. The bag of ice immediately split open all over the front seat of the car. I saved what I could, chunked the rest and got myself home as fast as possible.

Sometimes you just shouldn't leave the house. I'm just thanking the good Lord I made it home in one piece. May not have made it home gracefully, but at least I got there safely:)

Peace allllllllllllll.....................

Taking a Breath

Finally! Fall break has arrived and I don't have to take kids to school this week, I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn this week, I don't have to call teachers or talk to PTA people or look presentable or do anything other than schlep around and clean the house. No homework, no laundry, no pairing off of the Garanimals every night (or a week's worth on Sunday night), just playing outside and enjoying the falling leaves. Aaaaaahhhhh......

So, now that I finally have a chance to sit down and write....or read...or breathe. Lots and lots of things have been going on in the world and don't think I haven't noticed.

First of all, congratulations OJ Simpson. You might not have paid for the first time but thank the good Lord someone is ensuring you pay for your second. It does come around in the end after all don't it?

Second, I don't ordinarily watch the television show The View. My friend Rachel does and since she spent the night over here last night, guests rule and we watched it this morning. That Elizabeth (sp?) chick is a dope. Yes, she has the right to her own opinions and free speech and all that. Just quit bein such a big crybaby about everything. The doe eyes and the pouty lip thing....does that ever really work?

And thirdly, the debates. I have enjoyed the first two better than anything you could possibly catch at the movie theater. I have laughed, I have cried, I have gasped in shock. Really? No, not really. But they have been entertaining. It's always fun for me to see who can outcon the other. The concerned facial expressions and the warm body language. These guys...if politics ever fails, then Broadway would love to have 'em. Am I a little cynical concerning our Presidential and Vice Presidential hopefuls? Little bit, yeah.

Speaking of the candidates however, one thing. If you choose to divulge for whom you will be voting, then that's cool. That's your business, after all. If you choose NOT to divulge for whom you will be voting, then that's cool too. That's YOUR business, after all. I don't feel anyone should be coerced into sharing their politicial opinions. That's why we have SECRET ballots, because some things are just not anyone else's business.

But, however it goes, it is gonna be an interesting next few weeks.

Now, I'm off to see where I can buy the best Halloween candy.:)

Peace allllllll................

Snoots

Meet the newest member of the Sprinkle household. Her name is Snoots. One of Grover's friends from work had a friend who was going to give her to the dog pound, so we decided we would take her. And can you blame us? Who could resist that face??

And so now, after a bath, a flea dip and a vet's appointment later, she is firmly ensconced in the household. Now, if I could just get the cats to like her, everything will be lovely!

Peace allllllllllllll..............

HBD to My Joshie

And now, for the young man who never met a camera he didn't love:

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TO MY BIGGEST BOY, MY OLDEST, MY MOONA TUNA..........JOSHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and no, you will not be using my car to learn how to drive in...but I love you anyway!:))

Peace alllllllllllllllllllllllllll.........................

9/05

I had originally posted this on August 27, 2005 but I needed to post it again. September 5, 1997 was on a Friday too:



The date was September 5, 1997. A little boy, 3, a little girl,2, and a lady were asleep in their apartment. They had fallen asleep in the living room while watching Cartoon Network. The kids had fallen asleep first and the lady wondered momentarily if she should carry them to their bedrooms but decided against it as their grandmother would be returning home from work soon and they could put the kids in bed then. Not an unusual event for any of them. The lady stretched out on the other couch and in no time had dozed off herself.

She was awakened by the smoke. Sitting straight up on the couch, she called for the children. It was then that she realized the entire wall by the front door was on fire. Not being able to see through the smoke, she had to rely on the children's voices to give her an approximation of where they were. She runs to the front door, grabbing one child's hand as she goes. She doesn't know which child it is, just that it's one of them. She opens the door and pushes the child through it. As she turns around to grab the other child no more than 3 feet away, the room explodes and throws her across the hallway into the door of the other apartment.

By this time the neighbors are there, the living room is engulfed in flames, someone's calling 911 and someone has gone to the back to try to get into the apartment that way. It's impossible. The lady is still trying to get through the front door to reach her other child but the neighbors are holding her back because (as she was told later) the heat was simply too intense to get through. She can hear her child calling her name, screaming for her. So she keeps trying to get in. But she can't. It isn't until the fire department comes and forcibly removes her that she stops.

So they can do their jobs.

The fire department is notified, however, that the lady's upstairs neighbors have a propane grill on the balcony upstairs. At that point, they refuse to go in to try to rescue the child, because "it's too dangerous." They simply try to put the fire out. It seems to go on forever.

At some point, the lady really doesn't know when because time and reality have ceased to exist for the moment, the fire is extinguished. She knows that her child didn't make it, but hopes against all hope anyway.

She walks up to a fireman and asks him "Did you find the little girl?" He responds "Yeah, what was left of her." Torn between being dying herself and wanting to kill this man, she simply says "I'm her mother" and walks away. The fireman rushes after her saying that he didn't know and she tells him "That shouldn't have mattered."

Briana Grace Brown died on September 5, 1997. We buried her on September 10, 1997. Rachel (her grandmother)...her father died on September 17th, exactly one week after Briana's funeral. He couldn't take it.

In the space of six months, from March 17, 1997 to September 17, 1997 I lost my mother, my father, Briana, and the man who had been like a second dad to me. And I don't mean to lessen the others but Briana was my child. She's the one that ...when her life ended, so did half of mine.

During the week of the funeral, we stayed at Rachel's sister's house until we could find another place. One day I was sitting in the bedroom and watched someone come out of the bathroom. And I knew that there were razor blades in the bathroom. And it just seemed like it would be so easy and mercifully quick. I was getting up to go there when two thoughts stopped me.

1. If you do this you'll go to hell and you'll never see her again.

2. What would Josh do? He wouldn't be able to deal with both of you gone. You have to be there for him, even if you don't feel like you're going to make it yourself.

And so I stopped.

In December of 1996, I had a tattoo put on my upper right arm. It is the only one I have. It is a phoenix. At the time, I liked the symbolism of rising up from the ashes. If only I had known how prophetic it would turn out to be 10 months later.

It's getting close to that time of year again. Briana would have been 13 years old this year. Some days are good, some not so good. Some nights I can go to sleep. Some nights I still hear her screaming my name and I cry myself to sleep.

Joshua and I talk about it sometimes, more often than not we don't. See, we were the only ones there that night and we already know what the other one's going through. It's a bond we share, one that neither one of us would have chosen voluntarily. But oftentimes it makes conversation unnecessary.

I get glimpses of her every now and again. The way Josh will move his hand or tell a joke and laugh at himself like she used to...a little girl who looks just like her but isn't her..and I feel her around me sometimes it seems. Crazy? I don't think so. I think it's just God's way of sending comfort my way.

I just hope that when I get to Heaven she remembers me and finds no fault with how I've turned out.

Why did I decide to tell this? Because I wanted everyone to know that there once was a girl named Briana Grace Brown.

And she was loved more than you will ever know.


Peace alllll..............

Where Was I Again?

Good grief...

Who knew that there was this much to do with 3 kids in school? Well, the people out there with 3 kids in school obviously. Wow.....between getting them up, getting them ready, getting them to two different schools (on time, no less), half-days, PTA, volunteering for a million different things, Fall pictures (already!), Fall fundraisers (already!), Band fundraisers (always), getting them home from school, doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, signing up for this, that and the other....I don't even know what I am doing half the time anymore. But I am having a BLAST doing it! Who knew it could be this much fun?!

Only one problem (and isn't there always just one?).....one of the teachers. She's not mean or anything, she's just.....maybe....I don't know....a little cold for a kindergarten teacher (in my opinion anyway). This would be Jakob's teacher. Lukas' teacher is a real, old-fashioned good teacher. I love her to pieces. You can tell just from talking to her that she really loves her job (she's been teaching for about 20 years) and she has a real heart for children (you can't fake that, no matter how hard you try). She's not syrupy sweet but she is really kind-hearted with her kids and Lukas and the rest of them are just crazy about her.

Jakob's teacher, on the other hand, is the "cold" one. She's nice enough but it's like a fake nice. It really makes me uncomfortable. Jakob likes her well enough, so it's just me that has the issue. And I don't want to show favoritism between the two teachers (since I have to see and talk to them both everyday) because I wouldn't want the kids to be affected by it. Anyhow, it's just one of those irritations that you find in life and ordinarily it would just be something for me to fuss about, but since it involves my boys, it kinda makes it something else.

Anyhow, I'll get over it, I'm sure.:)

And I just wanted to drop in and let everyone know, I'm still around and as soon as I can get my schedule organized then I may actually have time to sit down and blog (or stand up and blog, either one is fine).

Oh, yeah, don't forget: HALLOWEEN IS IN 57 DAYS!! (And we all know that is the kickoff to the holiday season) So, get your battle armor on, because it's almost time to go Christmas shopping!!!!!! (Too soon? Please, I've got a Christmas tree put up in the spare bedroom. It's not decorated but it's standing there and has been since the end of July. Don't ask.)

Peace allllllllllllllllllll................

Guess What?

Hey guess what?

In three days, I will have been a non-smoker for 5 whole months! Whoo Hoo!!!!!

In the past 3 weeks or so I have lost 5 pounds and 2 inches in the waist. Whoo Hoo!!!! America's Next Top Model, here I come!!! (Yes, I KNOW I am too old for that show!)

And speaking of old, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!~!!! I am a raging, ravishing 41 year old today! And yet another Whoo Hoo!!! for me. And for the first time in my ENTIRE life, I have not mentioned my birthday to anyone at all in the past couple of months (like I usually do). I want to see who remembers on their own. This is gonna be fun, I can tell!:)

So, I'm healthier, lighter and one year more experienced . Does it get any better?!?!?

Blessings on everyone!

Peace allllllllllllllll....................

Anonymity and A Tear or Two

You know, I was over at Slade's blog just a little while ago and she posed an interesting question. She wanted to know if any other bloggers sometimes wished that their blogs were anonymous so that they could relate events,stories and whatnot about people without other people knowing who they were. (I think I got that out right.) My answer to this is a resounding YES!!

I think that anonymity=complete and total honesty. If people don't know who you are, then you are totally free to say what you want, to give your honest opinion and to present your feelings with complete abandon without fear of repercussion. And, although I like to consider myself an honest person, sometimes I just want to let loose with some of the darker things that plague me from time to time. Such as:

Sometimes my husband gets on my nerves. I love him, I really do. But sometimes, late at night, when he farts in his sleep for the thousandth time or when he steals every last one of the three (count 'em 3) blankets off of me and I wake up freezing while he is wrapped up like King Tut, yeah....I kinda want to punch him in the back of the head. On the occasions that he is in a somewhat perverse mood and decides to bait me until I get really irritated and then complain that he can't deal "with such an oversensitive person".....yeah, I kinda want to punch him in the front of his head.

Sometimes, I worry about my kids' futures. I worry that they may not go down the right paths, despite all that we are trying to teach them about being good Christians and good people. You know, you read so much in this day and age about children who were raised the right way and then decided to chuck it and do some pretty awful things.

Sometimes, I don't even feel like talking to people. And sometimes, when people are talking to me, I look like I'm listening but inside my head I am really thinking, "Are they ever going to shut up?......EVER?" And then I smile and nod and that gives them encouragement to just keep going.

All in all, I am normally a pretty happy person. But, even the best of us need to let the junk out sometimes. And at the risk of offending someone, or sounding crazy, at this point, I just wait on Grover to go to work and the kids to go to school and then I let the junk out....by cleaning, exercising, writing, yelling...whatever. See, this way everyone stays safe, and happy...and oblivious.:)

Peace allllllll................

P.S.

Just had to add this: Last night, I was putting the boys in bed and as they were laying there in the dark and I was sitting on the foot of their bed like I always do, Lukas started crying. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me "I miss Sunny and Izzy (the two kittens...Izzy passed away and we gave Sonny to a friend of ours.....the other two still live here)" I told him that Sonny had gone to live at Ariels house and that Izzy had gone to live with Jesus. As a concession, in the hopes of making him (and Jakob, who by that time had gotten a little upset himself) feel better, I asked him if they wanted to go visit Sonny over at Ariels house this weekend. They said yes, and the matter seemed to be settled. Then Lukas pops up with "And then we need to go see Izzy at Jesus' house." After I told them that we wouldn't be able to do that for a long, long time, I asked if he needed a hug and he said yes, "And a kiss too please." So, I hugged them both for about an hour (or a minute or two) and they went on to sleep. And I cried for the next hour. Sometimes I don't think we realize how very hard life can be on the little ones. And how very carefully we must nurture and protect tender hearts and gentle spirits.

Hug your kids today and tell them that you love them. They need it, no matter how tough they are.

Peace allllllllllllllll....................

HBD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LUKAS AND JAKOB, THE BEST BOYS IN THE LAND!!!!! (Even though your teachers haven't realized this yet:). Give 'em time, give 'em time.....they'll come around. Mine always did....sometimes:) ANYHOW- MOM LOVES YOU!

Peace allllllllllllllll....................

First Day, Hopefully Not The Last

Lukas working on his next masterpiece. (The calm before the storm:))

5 minutes after this picture was taken, Jakob decided he needed a flatter piece of Play-Dough and proceeded to sit on some until it was flatter than a pancake. Then he made butt flavored castles.:)

My babies started to school today. And truthfully, I was more upset about it than they were. They were excited, they were ready to go, up and at 'em at 6 this morning. They were happy to see their teachers and ready to have a great day. We dropped them off in their classes, took a few pictures and they forgot all about us. We wondered and worried and prayed that they were having a great day all the way up until it was time to go and pick them up. It was at that time that we discovered we had a problem. (See, we kind of figured it out when we pulled up in the car and their two teachers were like "Oh, THERE they are!!" with looks of gratitude that we had come to rescue them.)

This is the problem: somewhere along the way of getting them excited about going to school, we may have neglected to tell them that they had to stay there ALL day. I'm sure I told them this at least once, but then again maybe not. Because my children were under the impression that they could just come in for a while, hang out for a minute and then pack up their backpacks and leave. And so they did. Both of them at separate times packed their backpacks up and just walked out of the room. Jakob came back when the teacher called him but it took a teacher, an assistant teacher and a music teacher to corral Lukas. If they weren't my kids I would think that it was pretty funny. Oh, let's face it. I STILL think it's pretty funny. Unfortunately those teachers didn't.

That is one thing that I had forgotten about, despite having been around teachers most of my life. They have a tendency to get that worried look when things like this happen. You know what they're thinking but don't want to ask: "Is your child alright? Is there something wrong? Does he have ADHD or PTSD or BAD?" So they simply ask you how you handle these things at home. And I had to tell them that since they have been 2 they haven't tried to pack up and leave home. It is, after all, their HOME. I don't think they appreciated my humor.

So, I made the mandatory apologies, put on my concerned parent face and brought my children home. And yes, I put on my concerned parent face because I don't really think that this is cause for alarm. They are almost 5 and 6 years old, they have never been to school before. They evidently decided they had had enough for one day. I just had to explain to them that the day is not over until I or Dad come and get you. Easily understood. I think. We'll soon see. I've given the teachers my reassurance that they will probably be fine with the new rules and structure and whatnot by the end of the week. Heh......I love that word "probably". It's kind of like "maybe". Doesn't mean a whole lot, it just sounds like it does.

So, who knows what kind of shenanigans will take place tomorrow. All I know is: when Lukas and Jakob get together wackiness ensues!!:) Yeah, they need to have their own sitcom.

Peace allllllllllll.................

Out of Shape Blues

Oh .......my.......goodness.

First off, thanks for your encouragement and ideas on how I can lose this extra fluffiness of mine. It got me off to a really good start. I went and registered at the Daily Plate, borrowed a workout DVD from a friend, gave the contents of my kitchen cabinets the once-over and got started, just KNOWING this was gonna be a breeze.

After the first 5 minutes of the exercise DVD, my body said "What are you doing? It's time to sit down now.....please.....NOW." And when I didn't, my body proceeded to curse me like a dog, all the way until the end. Today, over a week later, it's not as bad...but it still ain't good yet. Does it ever get good? Really? Because I see these people that just LOVE to exercise and while part of me is kind of envious because they are in such great shape, another part of me is just thinking "Freak......you twisted, abnormal, exercise loving freak."

I guess I just didn't realize how out of shape I really am. My teenage glory days of running a kazillion miles a day without being out of breath are gone. Used to be my heavy breathing was reserved for amorous occasions. Now, I'm gasping by the time I reach the end of the block. Not quite as sexy I'm sure but, oh well. It serves a better purpose anyway. (Not really....I'd love to count sex as an exercise but it doesn't burn enough calories.......I mean, it could, but you'd have to get the pony and the top hat and........well, never mind.)

And this evening, there is meet and greet at the boys' school where we get to go and meet their teachers and so on. Sounds like fun, except they are calling it an Ice Cream Social. That's right. My fat tuchus and a room full of ice cream. Does it GET any better than that? Oh, well, I guess I can walk an extra mile (or 20) to work it off. If my body will let me get out of the chair that is.

Peace allllllllllllllll.....................

Weight and See and In and Out

Okay, I've got a problem. You all know that I quit smoking, right? (Like how could we not, you bring it up all the time, whoot, whoot, whatever, okay) Now, although I am pleased as proverbial punch to be coming up on my 4th month as a non smoker (as of 11:30 Sunday night:)), there is one thing that I am not pleased about and I was thinking that maybe you guys or girls or any in betweens could give me some advice.

I have gained a buttload of weight. Not just a buttload, but a stomachload, a couple of armsloads, and definitely a thighload or two. I'm not talking a couple of chocolate pounds....I'm talking like around the 35-40 pound mark. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. I have never been a heavy person (except for my two pregnancies and I don't count that) and I have never had to go on a diet. But, oh how times have changed.

Thing is, since I have never had to go on a diet until now, I really don't know what I am doing. I tried to cut back on intake but everything just looks so darn good! Especially now that I can actually taste it:) If I could just lose the first 10 pounds, that would be motivation enough to kick in on the rest. It's just I don't know how to lose that first 10 pounds. If anyone has any advice, other than the eat less and move more advice (which I really don't need), please send it my way. This is gonna be a lot of fun I can tell! (insert sarcasm here.....)

And on a completely different note:

Congratulations to my best friend in the whole wide world Rachel on becoming a GREAT-GRANDMOTHER on July 23rd to Amore Deshaun. Welcome to the world, little one!! Now this IS gonna be a lotta fun!

Peace allllllllll..............

P.S. RIP Estelle Getty.......you made my teenage years much more bearable, and I have many memories of me and my mom yukking it up while you were on. Thanks so much. You will be missed.

Peace.............

Checking In

Hi everyone!! Sorry I haven't been around lately. Well, around blogland that is. I've been around here, at home of course. Otherwise, I would have been missing and there would have been a national call to arms and so forth:).

I never realized that getting 3 kids ready for school would be so much work! Bear in mind that for the past 8 years, I've only had to get Josh ready but that was so routine I was used to it. This year, we had to get the boys registered, get blue cards, fill out forms, get supply lists, buy said items on supply lists and on and on and on and on and....well, you get the point. Not to mention the fact that Josh has decided he just MUST have $100 shoes this year. That's fine though. We kicked in $50 and he's working odd jobs around the neighborhood to come up with the rest. He only has $20 to go and those unnecessarily expensive Nikes are his. Not happy with the price tag, don't think any shoes should cost that much;HOWEVER, I am quite happy with his enterpreneurial spirit. This time next year, he wants to have a real job (as in a paycheck and all) so he can buy his own school clothes without our help. I am thrilled at the prospect, even though he has an ulterior motive. See, he thinks that just because we don't buy them for him, then we won't be able to say anything about what he buys. WRONG! As I have mentioned before, this is not a democracy in our household. It is a sprinkleocracy. We're lenient enough, but we're not crazy.

And I am trying to cram as much fun into every day that we have before school starts. (Because this is the last free summer that my babies will have for 12 (at least) more years!! The rest of them will just be mini-vacations in between grade levels.) And I must admit, I am actually having a great summer, the first one I have had in a long time! Must be something about being smoke-free I can actually go out and DO more without having to take a smoke break every 20 minutes.

And speaking of doing more, I am going out to play now. What, you thought 40 year old women didn't do that? Think again!:)

Peace allllllllll....................

This.......THIS.......gives me hope for this world.

Peace alllllllllll...................

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BE SAFE! AND THANK YOU TO OUR ARMED FORCES FOR MAKING ALL OF THIS POSSIBLE!!!!!

Peace alllllllllll................

This is where we went today, boys and girls. The Blue Angels air show. And I say this in my best surferspeak : "Dude.....it was AWESOME!!!" It was totally off the chain and all that other good stuff. If it comes anywhere near you guys (or girls), make sure and go see it. Hope you don't mind me telling you what to do and all. Have a great weekend!!!!

Peace alllllllllllllllll...........................

Still Not Smokin'

Just wanted to let everybody know :

As of 11:30 tomorrow night, I will have been smoke free for 3, count
'em, 3 WHOLE MONTHS!!!!!! Whoo hoooooooo for me!

As of right now, I have not smoked 3,626 cigarettes and I have saved $655.16. Of course, I really don't know what I did with all that money...but at least I know it didn't go towards poisoning myself:).

I'm not running marathons yet, but I'm on my way!

Peace allllllllllllllllllll................

Stuff and Such

You know what irritates me? Well, not so much irritates me as things I could do without.

You know when you're watching television and right when the 10 minute block of commercials comes on, they have someone say "Don't touch that dial (remote)" or "Don't even think of changing channels, we'll be right back"? Well, I do. That's right, I change the channel, if only for a second. I shall not allow some disembodied voice to tell me what to do and so, when this happens, I must go against the grain....I just must.

People who wear those #@$%****? bluetooth headsets all the time. Unless your company is in the middle of a hostile takeover or your wife is about to give birth, you don't really need one of those things growing out of your ear, do ya? I will tell you what everyone around you is thinking.....you are NOT that important and you really look kinda dumb. Sort of like those potbellied men who wear black socks with sandals and have their shirts unbuttoned so everyone can see their gold medallion nestled in a carpet of chest hair........yeah, about that dumb......and egotistical.

Ladies (and men) who let their underwear ride up over their pants. I don't care what your drawers look like. I really don't. If you want the world to see your bloomers, just don't bother putting on the pants. Like your butt cleavage has the world at large drooling...it doesn't. Maybe a little bit, like you get right before you throw up but beyond that....well, you know.

And now for something completely different.....

We bought the kids some bunkbeds....you know, the stackable kind that as they grow older you can take apart and make two twin beds. Well, turns out neither one of them would get up on the top bunk! So, we had to separate them. Oh, well....at least they have beds to sleep in....if they'll stay in them, that is. They really love to sleep with Mom and Dad.

The remaining animals are all doing well. They really love to sleep with Mom and Dad too. (Mom and Dad need to get a bigger bed)

And I stayed up until 1 a.m. last night (this morning) doing laundry and cleaning the house. Why? Because I didn't want to do it today:) Because I am at heart a lazy scrub who would much rather lay in the grass outside and read a book alllll day while the kids play. That's what summertime is for anyway.

See ya! Don't forget to use sunscreen!!

Peace alllllllllllllllllllllllll.............................

Terrible and Wonderful

I experienced something today that was both terrible and wonderful. It's kind of a long story so please bear with me.

Monday night, about 11:30, I was lying on the couch watching television. One of our kittens, Izzy, (the runt and therefore my favorite:)) climbed onto the couch and sat on my hip. I noticed that she was shaking and it scared me. I thought maybe she was sick and so of course I looked up "trembling kitten" on Google. And the best I got was maybe something had scared her. So, I wrapped her up in a blanket remnant I have, warmed her up, loved her up and after a few minutes she stopped shaking and went on to sleep.

The next day,(Tuesday) she looked a little tired but otherwise fine. She was eating and drinking and sleeping a lot, kind of like her brothers and sister, like any other cat on the face of the earth.:) She looked no worse for the wear and so everything was back to normal. But I still kept a close eye on her. Like I said, she's the runt so she's my baby.

Wednesday passed and Thursday was in full swing. Izzy was having a blast. She was running and playing and rolling and bouncing and trying to catch a fly (and almost did!) and climbing the curtains and beating up the dog.....just another day in the life of a well-loved kitten. Later that evening, I noticed she was missing from the group. See, her and her sister and brothers all hang together a lot and when they sleep they normally jump on a kitchen chair together. I saw them but not her. So I went to looking for her. (Little kittens can hide in a whole bunch of places you know.) I found her asleep under the couch. I picked her up and loved on her and when I laid her down on the couch, she cried for a second. She was breathing funny and acting like she was in pain. Our vet doesn't open until 8 in the morning so I settled in for a long and difficult night. I put some cloths in a little shoebox and she slept in there for the night with me in the livingroom.

Grover took her to the vet this morning and then he had to go to work. Dr. McCurdy, our vet called me about 10 a.m. and told me that she was really bad off....he had run some tests and couldn't tell what was wrong with her....she was anemic with petechial hemmorhages all over her body....all over. (A petechial hemmorhage is one that looks like tiny dots.) He said that he could possibly do a blood transfusion but that he didn't think that it would do any good because he didn't know what was causing the problem. He said that she was NOT in pain but that she WAS going to die. And that if we could come down there to sign the papers for euthanasia but she might not even make it until we could get down there. He also wanted to check the other 3 kittens. So I got in touch with Grover on the job site, told him what was going on and waited.......and waited.....and waited. It took him almost 2 hours to finally get off the site he was on...he came home and we went straight to the vet.

Dr. McCurdy checked the other kittens and they were all fine. He then began talking to us about Izzy and he said, "Here let me go get her and I'll show you what I'm talking about." He brought her into the room (in that same little Spiderman shoebox....I will never forget that) and we were looking at her while he was explaining the tests he had run and so on. Up until that point neither Grover or myself had said anything. When he put her back down on the cloths in the box, I said "Bless her heart", Grover said "Poor thing". We said it at the same time. Right after we said that, the doctor told us "She's going now." And so she did. She was in no pain, and she just slipped away.

On the ride home, we were both in tears. For different reasons. Grover was crying because this wonderful creature had just departed from our lives and he was heartbroken.

I was crying because my heart was hurting as well but I was also crying because I was thankful. I was thankful that I had experienced her life with her. Three months ago, I stroked her mother's head while she gave birth to Izzy. And today, I shared her last moments with her. She waited for us to get there. She waited until she heard our voices before she went Home. She waited....Say what you want, I know that she was waiting for US. And that is a gift I will be forever grateful for....that she knew we were there with her and that we loved her. I think maybe it made it easier for her....I hope it did anyway.

I know that being able to say good-bye made it a little easier for me. And it was something I can look at and say "That was a moment of wonderful" in a terrible day.

Love ya Iz. Your brothers and sister and momma send their love. And I've got a shoestring with your name on it:)

Peace allllllllllllllllllll................

To Sleep, Perchance To.....Something Like That

See this handsome young man? This sweet natured, tender hearted animal lover and the best big brother in the world? This is Lukas, one of the lights of my life, one of the stars in my galaxy. Lukas has a problem. Lukas does not sleep....not like kids his age are supposed to. He never has.

When he was a little bitty wee one, he was a night baby for the first couple of months. Up all night, sleep all day...fine. Then he switched on me and slept all night and was up all day....even better. And then he kept switching back and forth and has done so for the past FIVE years! The first year was not so bad, as I would just switch my sleep to adjust to his. But when baby brother Jakob was born, that was no longer an option. It was at that point in my life that I learned that sleep can sometimes be considered optional:)

When I say he doesn't sleep, I don't mean that he bounces off the walls all night, no. He will get in his bed and will lie in his bed ALL NIGHT, in the dark, and stare at the ceiling and think. (And of course I'm not sleeping either) He will then get up at sunrise (which he calls "rise and shine") and begin his day. At some point during the day, depending on how long he has been awake, he will finally fall asleep. He will then sleep from 6 to 8 hours and be up again for who knows how long. The longest he has stayed awake is 22 hours.

I have taken him to the doctor on many occasions, had him sleep studied and examined many times, all with the same results. There is nothing wrong with him. I have had his blood sugars, iron levels and thyroid tested. He has been tested for ADD and the other initials. Everything is fine. He is a normal, well adjusted, bright little boy. Who doesn't sleep. And the doctors say he is fine. (I did have one doctor who offered to write him a prescription for Klonopin so that I could get some sleep.......ummmmmmmmmm....NO....ya doof)

(Oh, and yes, I keep him and his brother on a nightly routine/schedule so that's not it)

Maybe he's just not a big sleeper. My father wasn't. He slept maybe 4 hours a night most of his life. Or maybe, once he starts school, he'll WANT to go to sleep at night. As long as he doesn't go to sleep in class:)

But this week, he's on track for an all night sleep. This week. Maybe it'll stick. Or maybe I'll be watching another night long infomercial. We'll see.

Peace alllllllll................

And good night Lukas and Jakob!:)

The Graduate

Sorry it's been a minute. Seems while I was going through my mid-life crisis, my beloved husband, Grover was going through his as well. Fortunately for him, he's much more of a problem solver than I am sometimes. This is what he decided to do with himself:

He is going back to college. Uh-huh, yep, that's right...I said it. He is going back to school. And not only that, he is going back for a degree in something TOTALLY unrelated to the field in which he currently works. He is going to obtain a Business Degree. Don't know what he will do with that but I'm interested in finding out. Does anyone out there know what one does with a degree in Business? I don't.

So, while he's doing that, I am going to just do whatever comes to mind..........writing, reading, cooking, sleeping, origami (yeah, right), bungee jumping (even bigger yeah right). I am going to reintroduce myself to myself for a little while....chillax a bit.....and then go from there. I think this new chapter in my life might be more fun than I thought.:)

Sorry I've been a bit boring lately. Maybe I just need to go looking for someone to tick me off. Or if I wait long enough, chances are they'll come to me.:)

HAPPY 275TH BLOG POST TO ME!!!!!!

Peace allllllll...................

Warning: Self Pity Ahead

For the past couple of months I have had this annoying sensation of being kind of draggy, just a little tired. Coupled with that have been these feelings of what I call "chronic nostalgia" (if you don't understand what that is you will one day...it's kind of hard to explain). And until today, I really didn't have a clue on what was causing it.

I knew it wasn't physical so much, considering the fact I have been making some strides to benefit myself in that area (i.e. not smoking, exercising more etc.). I knew that it was more emotional in nature than anything, given the bouts of nostalgia, not to mention some episodes of just flat out weepiness.

I figured out what it was this morning. And it was really simple.

I was sitting there talking to myself (I do this a lot....a LOT) having a very rambling conversation in my head and I said to myself about a particular thing "Well, you're 40 ya know...what'd you expect?" And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I am 40. I will be 41 in about 2 months. I AM 40!!! And I haven't done a single thing that I said I would do when I was 18. Not one.

I'm not talking about getting married or having kids. A lot of people want to do that and actually do. I'm talking about:

going to Ireland and England
getting my degree in Romance Languages
writing a book
going on a cruise
learning to swim
winning the Nobel Peace Prize
finding a cure
going to a wine tasting
going to a Broadway play
having a Japanese tea garden
vacationing in Maine
riding horses in Montana

and a ton of other small, seemingly insignificant things. But if they are so small and inconsequential, why is the fact that I have not done them bothering me so much?

Because what HAVE I done, except get older? And time is ticking and here I am, still just trying to make it through until tomorrow.

I thought I had it beat....but this whole 40 thing will sneak up on you. It's tiresome, it's depressing, it's irritating. (They say 40 is the new 30. Well, tell a 20 year old that and see what they say.)

Hopefully, it's also only temporary. I know a lot of people in their 40's and they are doing just fine. Just a matter of adjustment is all. So, let me get to adjusting and so on.

Sorry about the depression....hopefully, I'll snap out of it before I hit 41. Because that's just another year further away from 39;)

Peace allllllllll.....................

Plans

My children start to school on August 6th. ALL of them. Josh will be starting the 8th grade and Lukas and Jakob will be starting kindergarten. (We didn't start Lou last year because he wasn't quite ready yet...so now he and his brother will be starting together.) They will be starting on a brand new chapter in their lives. I will get them up in the morning, get their breakfast, get them dressed and take them to school. Then I will come back home to an empty house and .......what?

What will I do all day while my kids are in school? Clean the house? That doesn't take all day. Well, it kind of does now because I have to chase after the kids while I'm trying to get everything done. But when they start school, I will have roughly 6 hours a day, 5 days a week allllll to myself. What do I do? Oh, I know, I know!!

I will......

Write a book (the Great American Novel)

Paint the house

Paint my nails

Teach the old dog some new tricks

Train the cats for the circus

Start a social club...Soon to be Old Ladies in Fuchsia Hats

Eat.........no, never mind that one

Start watching soap operas......don't think so

Go back to working outside the home during school hours

Volunteer at the school library a couple of days a week

Aaaah, the opportunities are endless!!

But I think the first two days are gonna go like this:

Day number one: cry until they get home because I miss them
Day number two: enjoy the silence:)

BUT....that day is a couple of months from now, not today. And I plan on really enjoying the next couple of months closing out this chapter before the new one begins.

Peace allllll....................


PS By the way as of 11:30 tonight I will have been a non-smoker for TWO WHOLE MONTHS!!!!!!! Yay for ME!:)

Beautiful

My mom passed away when she was 65, 11 years ago this past March. In all of the years she was alive she never once colored her hair. She used to say that she earned every one of those grey hairs and she wasn't gonna cover them up. By the end of her life, her hair was entirely silver. She had crow's feet around her eyes and laugh lines around her mouth. She was a bit on the heavy side. And I thought she was warm and fuzzy and smushy, like a momma should be. I thought she was beautiful.

I've been looking around lately and sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by the "let me look like a teenager until I am 90 and let me be as skinny as a corpse until I am one" marketing spiel. My mailbox has been inundated with ads from Oil of Olay, Avon, etc. and they are trying to tell me that the only way I could possibly be happy in this life is if my face is baby bottom smooth and my hair is 3 shades of rich, luxurious non-grey color. According to them I must look like this every day until the day the world ends and I must never gain more than 5 pounds and that must be during "that time of the month" and they've got something that will help me with that too.

I must drink energy drinks and watch "Sex and the City" and read Oprah magazine and take my children on "play dates" to be a content and fulfilled woman in this go get 'em world of today. I gotta be a MODERN woman.

Bull.......

What I MUST do is this: accept myself for who I am, make sure that I am as healthy as I can be, and make sure that my character speaks more to people than my looks.

What I MUST do is make sure that my kids know how to pray, that they know how to treat people with respect, and that they know their mom is always there for them.

What I must do is be able to look in the mirror every day, beyond the few grey hairs and the couple of crows feet and see someone that I really like, not necessarily someone with perfectly arched eyebrows who is still swollen from the latest botox injection.

I'm sorry, but I just can't be bothered to look the way some CEO in some office somewhere thinks I should. I have a real life here and somedays I kinda resent that CEO (and his cohorts) for making other people think that we should all follow the same cookie cutter standard of beauty. Instead of helping to pay his rent, I can be putting that money aside for my kids. You know, the ones who think I'm beautiful anyway.

A lot of women out there look like models......and a lot more look like mommas.

I look like a momma.

And no matter what I look like I know that God loves me, my husband loves me and so do my kids.

Now THAT's beautiful.

Peace alllllll..............................

Let's Hear It For The Boys

As the mother of 3 boys (and the wife of one) I gotta admit.....I love guys. I do. Don't get me wrong, I like girls and women just fine as well, but I really have a heart for the males of the species, bless 'em. And I often feel that in this day of female consciousness, that men get an often unfounded bad rap.

If you look at the mainstream media you would think that men wouldn't remember to breathe if they didn't have a woman around to remind them.

Case in point: television sitcoms. If you'll notice, most of them have the husband/father around as window dressing....scenery....just there for looks and not really anything else. They will portray the wife/mother as the emotional/spiritual/mental backbone of the family as the guy just walks around looking confused most of the time, the entire while being cuckolded by his superwoman/shrew of a wife. Is this really a reflection of our society as a whole? I don't think so.

If you watch the news, you would think that men are responsible for the decline of values in our society. Not so. It is shared equally. I know a lot of men who are smart, talented and responsible and yet they are not given nearly enough credit. Yet, when something goes wrong, who gets the blame most of the time? Sorry guys.

Yes, there are some sorry men out there......no good, irresponsible, lazy, abusive, unfaithful and a waste of time. Equally, there are just as many women out there with the same traits. However, you just don't hear about them too often do ya? There are a lot of single mothers out there.....there are also a lot of single fathers as well, raising the kids alone, working the two jobs, cooking, cleaning, etc. You just don't really hear about them do you? And when you do, most peoples response is "So, he's just doing something women have been doing for a long time." When can a fella catch a break? When can he get credit for doing something right?

I mean, they put up with us most of the time. And ladies,don't fool yourselves. We are not easy to put up with, no matter how hard we might try to pretend that we are. To most men, we are at times a pit bull/killer rabbit mutation that they have no hope of figuring out (and that's WHEN we're crying).

And so, if you have a good man...or know a good man (and chances are that you do, somewhere), take a moment and let them know that they are doing as good a job as they can with what they have. As for the rest of them....stay away....far away...from them.

Now, I'm going to go turn Grover over in his sleep and remind him to breathe before he suffocates.

Peace alllll.....................

P.S.

This picture of the boys here.....while I was taking it, instead of the standard "Say cheese" line, I told them "Say cheesedoodles!" They thought I said "Say cheese do-do!" which made their day. See? One of the many reasons I love boys!

HAPPY 60TH ANNIVERSARY TO THE STATE OF ISRAEL!!

Peace to you alllllll....................

MOMS!

To all:

Mothers.........
Those who have mothers,
Those who want to be mothers,
Those who have been mothers,
Single dads who are both dads and moms,
Foster moms
And all of you who act like my momma when I need it the most:)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!

Hope it's a beautiful one for all of you and my wishes for a delicious meal, a manicured yard and a clean house....none of which you had to have any part in creating!!

Peace allll.................

Because

Because I know you just can't get enough of hearing about me:

1. How many people do you know with your name? 1

2. Do you still associate with the person you fell the hardest for? Nope

3. What do you want in your life right now? Peace, health and happiness

4. What do you smell like? Grass (as in I've been rolling around in it.....outdoor grass on the ground...not the other kind people)

5. What's your favorite Gatorade flavor? None....it's worse than drinking dishwater

6. What's your favorite thing to have on your bed? My kids....asleep

7. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? Yes....I have borrowed a pair of my husband's underwear while I wash all of mine. What...don't act like you've never done it...or wanted to anyway. As long as he doesn't borrow mine we're all good. I KNOW that was TMI but.....eh, what're you gonna do, ya know?

8. Do you sleep in jeans? Not anymore

9. When are you normally on the phone? In the morning

10. Are you a cuddler? yes

11. Something you just don't understand? Hatred, rudeness and basic algebra

12. What is the last thing you bought someone? Gummi worms for the kids yesterday.

13. It's 4 in the morning and the phone rings. Who do you expect it to be? Somebody with nothing good to say.

14. How is life going for you right now? Pretty good if I do say so myself

15. Can you play Guitar Hero? Never tried it

16. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? COLD

17. What do you currently hear right now? The water dripping in the kitchen sink

18. What do you think your best friend is doing right now? Sleeping of course:)

19. Would you rather watch football or baseball? FOOTBALL

20. Do you feel like dancing? Not at the moment but let me stretch a little and then we'll give it a whirl....or a dip

21. Do you speak another language other than English? Yes

22. Where were you Friday night? Spending time with my guys

23. What is something you want right now...be honest? Peace for allllllllllll

24. Do you like the color orange? Yes

25. Sometimes do you wish you were someone else? No, I just wish I was doing different things sometimes.

26. Three feelings at the moment? Happy, content, satisfied......for now:)

27. Ever been kissed under fireworks? NO:(

28. Where's the weirdest place you have slept? In my car

29. Where can I find you at 7 pm tonight? At home probably but call first to make sure

If you've read this consider yourself tagged.......because I want to know more about YOU!

Peace alllllllll.................