For the past couple of months I have had this annoying sensation of being kind of draggy, just a little tired. Coupled with that have been these feelings of what I call "chronic nostalgia" (if you don't understand what that is you will one day...it's kind of hard to explain). And until today, I really didn't have a clue on what was causing it.
I knew it wasn't physical so much, considering the fact I have been making some strides to benefit myself in that area (i.e. not smoking, exercising more etc.). I knew that it was more emotional in nature than anything, given the bouts of nostalgia, not to mention some episodes of just flat out weepiness.
I figured out what it was this morning. And it was really simple.
I was sitting there talking to myself (I do this a lot....a LOT) having a very rambling conversation in my head and I said to myself about a particular thing "Well, you're 40 ya know...what'd you expect?" And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am 40. I will be 41 in about 2 months. I AM 40!!! And I haven't done a single thing that I said I would do when I was 18. Not one.
I'm not talking about getting married or having kids. A lot of people want to do that and actually do. I'm talking about:
going to Ireland and England
getting my degree in Romance Languages
writing a book
going on a cruise
learning to swim
winning the Nobel Peace Prize
finding a cure
going to a wine tasting
going to a Broadway play
having a Japanese tea garden
vacationing in Maine
riding horses in Montana
and a ton of other small, seemingly insignificant things. But if they are so small and inconsequential, why is the fact that I have not done them bothering me so much?
Because what HAVE I done, except get older? And time is ticking and here I am, still just trying to make it through until tomorrow.
I thought I had it beat....but this whole 40 thing will sneak up on you. It's tiresome, it's depressing, it's irritating. (They say 40 is the new 30. Well, tell a 20 year old that and see what they say.)
Hopefully, it's also only temporary. I know a lot of people in their 40's and they are doing just fine. Just a matter of adjustment is all. So, let me get to adjusting and so on.
Sorry about the depression....hopefully, I'll snap out of it before I hit 41. Because that's just another year further away from 39;)
Peace allllllllll.....................
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11 comments:
Life goes on while we're busy planning doesn't it?
Look at all the crud you've already put behind you! Aren't you glad you don't have to do the whole teenager thing? No awkward first dates. No more birthin' babies. Boy I'M glad that's behind me!
You have plenty of time to finish that list lady. You said it yourself, the kids will ALL be in school next year so you can get busy on that novel and those languages! I'll be your cheerleader Sprinkle my dear!
You are great and you and OGO are new FFE's (Fine Fitness Examples). You have done so great on your stop smoking and OGO has done great on her weight loss and I am using you both as examples in getting my health back on track at age 62!!!
Hope I can be your cheerleader too along with OGO.
ahh I'm glad I read this so when I hit 40 I'll know what happened! TFS
just googled Debbie Shank and I'm really done with Walmart now.
40 was easy, 41 was tough! So I decided I didn't like 41 and I started counting backwards. Instead of celebrating 41, I celebrated 39, and the year after 38. My kids got a kick out of figuring out how old we'd be when we "caught up" to each other. It helped for a couple of years. Age is but a number, but as I get closer to 50( I'll be 46 this year) I'm going to get started on my list, too.
You know what. I'm 46 and I've done a lot of my list and for a time there it still didn't satisfy that state of mind. It wasn't until I came to the realization that I wasn't being graded for anything in life, not even by me, and that I could do and enjoy whatever I wanted that I found some peace. Hence the blog, hence my work avoidance, hence my light hearted outlook on life now.
**sniff** Thank you guys so much....I really appreciate it. You ROCK!!
As long as you have enjoyed the time you have had so far...who cares about targets and goals?
Just enjoy life as hippy as that sounds.
well it is normal to have time like this. u're right,snap out of it,our support are with u always. *hugs*
Just popped over to check on you! I hope you are having a great day!
What have you done??? What have you done? You have your children, your gentle sense of humour and your loving attitude toward life. I'd say you've done more than most - and I know that's only scratching the surfact. Save the nobel peace prize for your 50's and enjoy the ride ;-)
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