Tara

My best friend's daughter has 6 children. Yep.....6. She had them all by the time she was 26 years old. Okay, this wouldn't be a big deal except:

The first one who is now 13 (do the math people) lived with her father for the first 11 years of her life.

The second one (Joshua...my baby...almost 12) was given to her mother and myself on the day he was born because ...and I quote...she "just didn't have time to fool with it". Rachel and I have been raising him from day one.

The third one (Briana...passed away in 1997 (a story I will be telling soon))...she also gave to her mother and me for the same reasons.

The fourth and fifth ones (Corey and Gabrielle)...well, she was married when she had them and so, even though she really didn't want them either, it would have just looked kind of funny had she given them away as well I guess. She is now divorced from their father and looking for any excuse under the sun to not really have to fool with them. They are six and four and they have some issues courtesy of mommy and daddy.

The sixth one (Colin)...she gave to her cousin and his wife because she had a bad falling out with his father while she was pregnant with him and decided she didn't want to have anything to do with this child either.

After the last one she finally had her tubes tied so that she will no longer be contributing to the world's population.

Now that the two oldest ones are actually old enough to have opinions on things, she is beginning to regret being such a dog. However, that regret has still not led to any accountability. She is now offended that Joshua will not ever refer to her as his mom. She is not his mom.. Rachel and I are.

Now that she has decided to give up days of whoring and drugging, and is now trying to better her life, NOW she wants a real "mother/child" relationship with the two oldest. And although I am happy to see her trying to better herself, there are some things that she needs to realize.

1. You reap what you sow.......she may be willing to forget how she dogged these kids out in the past...but they are not. And although Joshua holds no ill will towards her, she will never be his mother. He has told her this. He has also told her that she did not raise him, she put in no work or time on him, she spent no sleepless nights when he was sick or scared or just wanted to talk (especially after Briana died). His grandmother (momma) and I did that. She can't just say...."okay I'm ready to be a mom to you now" because as he told her..."I'm not ready to be a son to you." Painful? Yes....on all sides. However, this is what she did and these are the results of her actions.

2. You cannot go around saying "well, I was young" all of your life. Yeah, you were young and you did some not so bright things. Well, now you're older and you have to face them.

3. You cannot resent the ones who took up your slack. You weren't going to raise your kids. Someone had to. And there was simply no reason (financially, physically, spiritually or emotionally) why those children should have been put in the foster care system when they had people who were more than willing to care for them if you weren't (i.e. your mom and myself).

Sometimes in this life, you have to look at all the stupid crap you have done. Things that you have done to people, things that you have not done for people. And you have to own it. Because it belongs to you...no one else. Is it easy? NO.....Have I done it? More times than I care to count.

And once you have owned it....you have to let it reallllly sink in. What you have done. And then.....you have to apologize to the injured party. Even if they don't feel injured. Those are just the rules of decency. And if you have to spend the better part of the rest of your life making up for it....then that's what you do. Act in haste .....repent in leisure.

And my dear Tara....once you can and will do all of the above....then you can call yourself a "full grown woman"....a phrase that you are so fond of now and one which you currently fall tragically short of fulfilling.

Peace alllll..........