Memories of Norman

My father loved Tammy Wynette. Most of you probably don't know who she was. She was a wonderful country singer of the 60's, 70's and 80's. Her classic hit "Stand By Your Man" is still played today. But, I digress......

My father also, as most of you know, was a raging drunk. One of the things that he liked to do when he was drunk was listen to Tammy Wynette. I never had a problem with that in theory. It was the WAY he used to do it that was a little.....different.

He would knock back a couple of six packs on a Saturday morning to start the fun. Then he would go in my room or my sister's room and get our record player. Not a stereo, not a CD player, but a real live little kids record player. (Yeah, I know ....most people don't remember those either;)) He would then proceed to take this record player out on the front porch. You heard me....the front porch. Then he would get his collection of Tammy Wynette records out (about 20 of them) put one on the record player and turn it up all the way. He would then lie down on the front porch, listen to Tammy and cry. Yes, cry......loudly.....very loudly. So, when I came home from playing at a friend's house, there would be Norman....lying on the front porch, schnockered out of his skull, wailing over Tammy. When he got drunk enough, he would pass out on the porch and we would go and get the record player and the records and put them back in the house. Him? Well, we learned after a few rounds of this that he was just too heavy to move....so we left him there. Sound like a horrible thing for us to do? Well, as a 9 year old I was also smart enough to know that it was better to have him sleeping on the front porch drunk than in the house awake wearing his drunk out on us.

As the years went on my father continued and perfected his ability to pass out on the front porch. Not always with music...but always just in time for me to come home from school. By the time I was in high school my parents had long since divorced but good ole Norman still came around occasionally to catch a porch nap. I remember one day my friend Val had given me a ride home and she had to come in the house for something...I forget what. But as we pulled up I saw my father drunk, lounging on the porch, right in front of the front door. I was mortified. But Val parked the car, got out, walked up to the porch with me, stepped over him, said "Hey, Norman, what's up?", got what she needed and left. She has never said a word about it to this day. For this she has my eternal gratitude.

Once my mom called the cops on Norman because he was drunk and raising a ruckus. However, this was back in the day when the police would not remove a man from his home just because he was drunk and being a jerk. The cop told my mom that the only way he could arrest Norman was if he was in the street drunk or even on the curb. Then they left. So my mom waited until Norman passed out, then rolled him down to the edge of the yard. He was arrested for public intoxication. Horrible? Once again, better him sleeping it off in the drunk tank than terrorizing the house with it.

There were occasions where my father was sober....not many but there were a few. And when he was sober, he was one of the most charming, urbane, witty people you could ever meet. He could tell a tall tale and make you believe it was the gospel truth when you knew it was a lie. He was brilliant, he could make you laugh at just about anything....and he could make you forget for a time what a monster he could be. I just wish that there could have been more of the good days.....but I'll take what I can get.

And, looking back, the incidents with Tammy and the front porch were really quite funny. Maybe not so much at the time but.......(did I ever tell you that I inherited my father's sense of humor too?)

And one of the reasons that I don't drink is that I just love Patsy Cline and Luther Vandross waaaaay too much decimate their music like that;)

Peace alllll.............