Fathers and Sons....and Daughters Too

Grover and I took the kids swimming the other day. I know that sounds like a simple thing considering the pool is no more than 100 yards from our apartment but with an 11, 2 and 1 year old, it's like preparing for Hannibal's journey across the Alps. Gathering towels, floats, sunblock, sunglasses, hats, etc., etc. can be a monumental chore for just a couple of hours of fun in the sun. But it was worth it.

As I was sitting at a poolside table I watched my boys (Grover included;)) as they played in the water. There was much kicking and splashing and dunking and laughing and all around noise-making. And it struck me....this day is one of the happiest days in my life and hopefully my boys will remember it as one of "the good ole days" of theirs. And it is due, in large part, to Grover.

My father, for those of you who don't know this already, was an abusive, drunken beast of a man. I was told at the age of 4, by him, that he hated me, that I was a problem, and that if abortion had have been an option I would not even be there. He told me this on one of the few occasions where he was stone cold sober so I knew that he meant it. (Of course I didn't know what an abortion was until I was, like, 10 so that stament was just the gift that kept on giving huh?) I never understood his motives for telling me that and I don't understand it now. Of course, that was the beginning of the end of the relationship between me and my father. Many nights I heard him and my mom arguing and he proposed on more than one occasion that she should have gotten rid of all of us (my brothers and sister included....this was an equal opportunity household after all...I wasn't the only one who dealt with it..I just got the brunt of it.) I think that he hated me the most because I was so close to my mom. Of course, after he divorced my mom when I was 10, it was one of the happiest days of my life because it meant that I never had to deal with him again...or so I thought. He still came around occasionally to share the love when his latest girlfriend had kicked him out.

I swore to myself when I was young that if I ever had kids I would never treat them like that nor would I allow their father to do so. Because I know what it felt like and I know the damage that it has done. But I always wondered and worried about what would happen if I ever found myself in that situation with my own husband one day, with the father of my kids.

I don't wonder or worry about it anymore.

Grover is everything that my father was not. His sons are his world and there is nothing that he would not do for them. I have seen his eyes light up when he comes through the door from work and his boys are running to him for their "Hey daddy" hugs. I have seen him kiss them on their forehead while they are sleeping (or eating, or playing, or just virtually ignoring him at the time). He has broken into applause when they conquer some childhood obstacle like counting to 10 or saying their own name...or in Joshua's case bringing home the A's on the report card or getting the high score on Tekken (don't know why that's important to guys but it is;)). He has comforted them when they are upset, he has explained to them why they are in trouble this time, he has prayed with them, for them and over them,and he has wept over them when they have been sick.

Grover wants to be a good father...and he is.

All of my life I have wanted a good father and I finally got one.....just not in the way that I ever expected. If I couldn't have one of my own, I can at least say that God has truly blessed me with one for my children. Because they will never know what it feels like to be unloved or unwanted or unneeded by the people who are supposed to love them the most. There are times in life where they will be hurt and scars will form but hopefully those injuries will never come from us. And in knowing that they have escaped what I went through, my own scars are finally healing over.

Thanks Grove...

Peace allll...............