Oh, My Joshie, Oh Don't You Cry For Me

Some of you may know who Josh is. A lot of you don't. Let me give a little background.

Josh is 13 years old, about to be 14 in September. For the past 13 years, I and his grandmother have been raising him. This is because when he was born, his biological mother, Tars, who was 16 at the time, wanted nothing to do with him. She "didn't have time for that". Granted, she was young.......and also heartless and cold-blooded...but another story for another day.

Anyhow, Rachel (his grandmother) and I decided to raise him as more or less our own. He knew who his biological mother was and some of the story behind his coming to be with us. So for 13 years, we have taken care of him, fed him, loved him, bought his school clothes and Christmas and birthday gifts. We are the ones who have gone to parent-teacher conferences and worked with him on his homework. We are the ones who have taken him to the doctor and sat up with him when he was sick and when he broke his ankle and was laid up for a month, we were the ones who were at his beck and call 24 hours a day. No big deal. We were, for all intents and purposes, his parents and that is what parents do for the children they love.

As I have said, he has always known his biological mother, Rachel's daughter. We have never attempted to keep him from her and we have never attempted to keep her from him, even though for the first 9 years of his life, he barely saw her or heard from her.

Over the past, oh, year or so, he has spent more time with her. Actually, the purpose was for him to see his brother and sisters who live with her. But nonetheless.....I digress.

When school let out for the summer he wanted to go spend the weekend over there, a couple of nights. No big deal......it was summertime after all. Well, that weekend has turned into a month and a half. And he tells us the other day, actually the day before yesterday, that he now wants to live with his biological mother. That was a hard hammer to have fall on you.

Now, the reason I have a problem with this is: Tara is 29. She had her first child when she was 13......that first child she took care of for about 6 months and then she sent the child to live with her father. Fast forward about 13 years and the father decides he doesn't want the girl anymore and so he drops her off at Tara's house and basically says "have a nice day". That's child number one.

Child number 2 is Joshua.......she didn't want him when she had him and spent the next several years having very little to do with him until recently.

Child number 3 is Briana.....we were raising her as well. She passed away when she was 2 and a half.

Children numbers 4 and 5 are Corey and Gabby.....she was married to their father when she had them so she kinda had to keep them. They are the only 2 out of 6 children that have always lived with her. She considers them "her" children.

Child number 6 is Colin.....she didn't like his father so when she had this one, she gave him to her cousin and his wife to raise.

After Colin, she finally had her tubes tied. Thank you God, for all miracles small and large.

So, now Josh wants to live with her. Why? I'm not really sure. I know that he and Grover have a rough go from time to time. I know that she doesn't have as many rules in her house...and I know that he can kind of run wild at her place.

But is all of that worth walking away from me and his mom? Who walks away from a mother who has been so good to them their whole lives to live with a woman who could really care less about him?

I'm trying not to be angry with him. I'm trying not to have my feelings hurt by all of this. And I am failing miserably at both. Not really sure what to do at this point. Do I wait it out and hope he comes back.....or do I cut it loose and let him go completely?

I do not have the answers, just the questions.

Peace alllllll........................