Bizarro Family of the Year Update

Lukas is three years old. You would think that his favorite programs would be....oh, I don't know....Barney, Blue's Clues, Dora..something like that right? Oh, nooooooo....not my child! His favorite shows all come on one channel....The Food Network....that's right...the food channel. Do you know how tired I am of watching Emeril, Everyday Italian and the Barefoot Contessa???? Yeah, I've improved my cooking skills but that is not the point.

We just got a new addition to my already fun filled family: a fox terrier named Foxy (yeah, I know...how unique. That was already her name when we got her) Our apartment managers gave her to us because they had rescued her from an abusive home and thought we would be the perfect people to take care of her. She's still really skittish but she's coming around slowly but surely. The kids absolutely adore her. (Lukas won't give me a kiss but he'll kiss the dog when she's not looking. Go figure.) And she has already developed a serious taste for macaroni and cheese (Alpo London Broil I buy this dog and she wants mac and cheese.) I figure a few months of living with us and she'll be losing Grover's keys too.

Jakob is in the terrible twos full force. He runs full speed through the house as often as possible and yells as loudly as possible. No reason....he just likes to yell. Not like the 'oh, I'm pitching a fit' yelling but the 'oh, I'm at a football game' yelling. And when the dog licks him in the face, he just licks her in the face right back.

Grover is still Grover....working all the time, sleeping when he can, grouchy most of the time and he still hasn't learned how to wash the pans in the kitchen. However, he has learned how to give the kids a bath when I ask him to. What? Do it when I don't ask him to? Now that would be too much for me to take.;) He also is still telling corny jokes. For example:

Two snails were in a car race. (Don't ask how a snail can drive a car....I don't know) Anyway, to identify the cars, each one had a letter on them. The blue car had a "B" on it. The red car had an "S" on it. In the middle of the race, the red car pulled away from the blue car and was well on his way to winning the race. The snail announcer became so excited that he shouted "Look at that S car go!!!. Get it?? Snails....S car go (escargot)???

This is what I live with. Someone please help me. Please.

And now my children are sharing a coffee cup of BBQ chips with the dog. Why a coffee cup? Why BBQ chips? Why the dog? If I could answer those questions that whole 'meaning of life' question would be a snap ya think?

Peace alllll.............

Bracelets, Baubles and Other Trinkets

Sorry I have been slow to post lately.....lots of hours at work and lots of work at home. It won't happen again....today anyway;)

I have noticed a lot of people wearing these bracelet things lately. You know the ones...."Live Strong", "Hope", "Freedom". And quite frankly, I hate 'em. I don't hate the concepts, mind you. Living strong and being hopeful are certainly admirable and freedom is something I don't take lightly. I think that may be why I have a problem with these bracelets. It's the same problem I have with the ribbon craze....you know the red ones for aids, the pink ones for breast cancer, the yellow ones to show support for our troops.

Now before you all get in a tizzy, let me explain myself......it all started off with a cross.

I am a Christian. Anyone that knows me knows this. I have one cross. It is the one that Grover gave me a long time ago. It belonged to his dad and I was quite moved that he gave it me because he and his father were very close. It means a lot to me. I don't wear it very often, however, mainly because I 'm kinda tough on jewelry and I don't want to accidentally break the chain. I also don't find it necessary to wear it all the time because I don't need a piece of jewelry to advertise what I am. Talk to me long enough and you will find out what I am and what I am about. (Not to mention there are plenty of people who wear crosses all the time and the word "God" never escapes their lips unless it is in the middle of a curse word....but that's another story for another day.) Christianity is my lifestyle. It is about who I am, not what I wear. It is not about paraphenalia.

Same thing goes with the bracelets. You wanna live strong? Then do it. You wanna be hopeful and fight for freedom? Then do it. Don't advertise it. Don't fall into these ridiculous trends just because you want to appear fashionable and cover it with a label of social consciousness.

Ribbons? Do I support aids research? I most certainly do. I have a couple of friends who have died from this disease and I have seen the absolute horror of it. Breast cancer research. Yes I support that as well. Our military? I wholeheartedly support our armed forces. I may not agree with this particular war, but I certainly support the men and women who are fighting it for us.

See, the thing is....when I say I support something......that's what I do. I donate money and time to aids research, breast cancer research, the homeless, the hungry, the abused. I don't, however, walk around with some pointless accessory to let everyone else know about it before they even speak to me. Trust me, talk to me for 5 minutes and you will know what I support and what I don't.

The Bible says that when you do something for someone, do it in private. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back for it and don't make a big production of it. See, it's not really the rest of the world at large's business what you are doing for someone else. As long as you know it and God knows it, that's all that really matters.

And I don't think that something as important as aids, breast cancer, the abused, the homeless, the hungry, the impoverished and so on and so forth should be reduced to a trinket. That in and of itself is absolutely insulting to me.

If people would take the money that they spend on these bracelets, ribbons and 0ther baubles and actually donate it directly to the charity of their choice, then maybe they would actually start BEING socially concious instead of just looking like they are.

Peace allllll............

Confusion Ahead

The temperatures around here have not gone above 82 degrees this week and that means only one thing: SUMMER IS OVER!!!!!!! Ah, what a glorious feeling....oh, what a glorious day! I have made it through another summer season and am reaping my reward of cool, crisp, clear fall weather:)

We are forging ahead with our work for the Halloween party for the kids. We are making two pinatas....a pumpkin and a spider...which are medium sized. I have 50 pounds of candy to fill them with. Will that be enough? I'm a pinata virgin so I really don't know. I am also making a haunted gingerbread house....my first gingerbread house ever. (I'm okay at the arts things....just the crafts things I have never really tried my hand at so.....anyway....moving on.)

Parents: a question for you. Do you ever feel like a split personality, kind of like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing sometimes? I mean, you are one thing for your kids....you love them and nurture them and try your absolute best to lead by example....but sometimes you are another thing completely around grown-ups or co-workers (which are not always the same thing ya know;)). Let me explain my situation here...

At home, I love playing with my kids, doing stuff with them, having quality time, snuggle time..I just absolutely LOVE being a parent. I try to teach them to be nice, and to resolve disputes peacefully as much as I can.

At work, I am sometimes referred to as a 'pit bull'. The reason for this: you all know that I work 3rd shift at my local IHOP...well, sometimes we have a customer(s) who are drunk, rude, belligerent or all of the above. When one of my co-workers has a customer or customers who are giving them a hard time, they ask me to please go and deal with them. This may be because I am loud, or because I am not intimidated by most people or it may be simply that I will not, ever, let a customer reduce me to tears. Don't get me wrong, most of our customers are very nice people. But occasionally (2 or 3 times a week), we have some people in there who have to be educated about proper restaurant etiquette and my 'teaching methods' have been known to be quite effective.

My problem is my kids don't know me as this person .....they know me as 'mom'. (some of my customers call me 'mom' too but that is a whole other story for another day:)) And I often feel like two people sometimes with one shared, very confused brain.

Sometimes I want my kids to know me as a real person one day. Sometimes I don't want to disappoint them with the reality of me so I just want them to know me as "mom" for as long as possible. Is this confusing you? Not half as much as it is me.

I read a drunk woman the riot act the other night because she referred to one of my co-workers as a b**** because we were out of carry out boxes (don't shoot the messenger right?) and then I went home and made my kids bacon and eggs for breakfast like any other mom.

The older I get the dumber I feel sometimes.

I think I'll go bake something now;)

Peace alllll........

7's, 5 and 3's

I got this from Bav/Andrea, who got it from someone else. Anyhoo, I decided I liked it so here goes:

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. Stop smoking completely
2. Learn how to ballroom dance
3. Watch my kids grow up
4. Become a grandmother (after my kids grow up of course....no babies having babies for me please!)
5. Get my degree in Romance Languages
6. Write a book (it may never be published but I'm gonna write it anyway!)
7. Design and grow a real English tea garden


7 things I can do:

1. Speak three languages
2. Calligraphy
3. Offend people (I am a little pushy ya know;))
4. Car repair (good for every woman to know)
5. Multi-task
6. Make up a good bedtime story
7. Carry two kids on my back while playing horsey


7 things I cannot do:

1. Fry chicken
2. Sew (Grover does that!)
3. Swim
4. Shut up
5. Origami (tried it....just can't get the hang of it)
6. Rub my belly and pat my head (or vice versa) at the same time
7. Wiggle my ears


7 things that attract me to my husband:

1. Beautiful eyes that change color depending on his mood ...from light blue to blue green to bright green
2. Great legs....great, great legs
3. An almost bald head
4. A wicked sense of humor
5. His work ethic
6. The finger that he broke that's now kind of not exactly straight but not crooked either
7. His nose (I have a thing for ....ahem....'unique' noses (aka big noses;))


7 things that I say most often:

1. Lukas....stop that!
2. Jakob....stop that!
3. Come on with it
4. Peace
5. Let's get it done
6. What's goin' on?
7. Take it easy


7 celebrity crushes:

1. Victor Garber
2. Kevin Spacey
3. Anthony Hopkins
4. Jeremy Irons
5. Vin Diesel (don't ask)
6. Hugh Laurie
7. Lou Ferrigno (a holdover from my childhood:))


5 things about myself:

1. I laugh like a braying donkey
2. I am loud
3. I have horrendously ugly feet
4. I have one tattoo on my upper right arm (a phoenix)
5. I am ambidexterous


MY CLOSET

3 Random Facts About My Closet:

1. It's too small
2. It has a light in it
3. It's too small!!

3 Items I've Never Worn But Still Haven't Tossed Out:

1. A pair of waaaaay too small jeans (hey, I'll be that size one day!)
2. A maroon turtleneck
3. A pair of faux snakeskin pumps (they were a gift)


3 Items I Never Get Rid Of No Matter How Ugly They Get:

1. My Winnie the Pooh sleepshirt
2. My old turnover fuzzy houseshoes
3. My plaid sleeping pants


3 Items People Wouldn't Expect to Find in My Closet:

1. Two knives
2. A boxcutter
3. A bag of rocks (from Canada...they're Grover's....I don't know either)


3 Items That Made Me Go "What Was I Thinking?"

1. A fuzzy red pullover
2. A pair of MC Hammer-esque pants
3. A lime green t-shirt with spaghetti straps


3 Things I Have A Surprising Number Of:

1. Socks
2. Hair clips
3. Rubberbands


3 Dominant Colors In My Wardrobe:

1. Blue
2. Green
3. Brown


3 Items That Never Fail To Put Me In A Good Mood When I Wear Them:

1. The cross that Grover gave me years ago that belonged to his dad
2. My overly big sweatshirt (if it's cold enough to wear it that means summer is OVER!)
3. Fuzzy socks

If you actually read all of this, bless you for tenacity!

Anyone who wants to do this one just jump on the bandwagon!!

Peace allllll...........

Gripes

In my line of work, I have ample opportunity to do something that I really enjoy...watch people. Since I was a little kid, I have had a fascination with people. I love to talk to them, to observe them, to see how they interact with one another, to try to figure out what makes them tick. I have an insatiable curiousity when it comes to how the wheels turn in a person's mind. Sometimes, I am pleasantly surprised;however, as of late, it seems that people, by and large are becoming....well....shallow.

I don't know when it became fashionable in our society to become so self-absorbed. Did it start with our parents and their unwillingness to 'damage' our psyche with such concepts as remorse, shame and accountability? Or did it start with my generation? The teens of the 80's (the biggest ME generation that has ever been)? Or did it start more recently, with our college students and their overwhelming sense of hubris and pomposity?

And, once it started, when did it become OKAY? Okay to think of no one other than yourself, okay to have the attitude of 'screw the world, I've got mine'? When did it become OKAY to acknowledge only your rights and never your responsibilities?

Money=class.....when did this become an accepted school of thought? Why do so many haves look down their noses at the have nots?

Why do so many 'children of privilege' not have a clue about what it means to actually work for a living? I understand the concept that parents want their children to have a better, easier life than they have had. I certainly do not want my kids to go through some of the things that I have had to go through in my life. However, what is wrong in raising kids with a sense of common courtesty, social responsibility and a real work ethic?

What is wrong with teaching kids to say 'thank you' and to hold a door open for someone? What is right with teaching kids that they are the big dogs on the porch?

I am full up to my eyeballs with rude people. People who think that common courtesy and civility are for everyone else, not them. The ones who think that 'me first' is actually okay. The ones who think they are the only reason for this world's existence. I have a couple of points for them to consider:

1. The world does NOT revolve around you. Never has, never will.
2. Money does NOT equal class. You can have all the money in the world and still be a tacky, classless slug.
3. You are NOT the beginning and end of my existence. Your thoughts and opinions have very little relevance to the rest of the world, just like mine don't.
4. No one cares if you are in a hurry, or a huff. Get over yourself.
5. I don't have to like you and you don't have to like me.....but can't we at least do that mutual civility thing? It really works well.

Well, as usual, I have probably made no sense to anyone but myself today. But, I have grown used to that over the years.;)

Peace alllll.............

Aftermath

My feet are numb.....still. My back is sore....still. And I have been having this recurring dream where I am being chased by a Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity. Every year I know this is going to happen on A&M homecoming weekend and every year I lack the common sense to just go out of town instead of going to work.

But, on the plus side, my voice is back...much to the dismay of the many drunks I have had to yell at over the past couple of days:)

Now I just have to clean my house. I know there's one here under all this mess.

Peace alllll.......

P.S. Thanks for all of the laryngitis remedies! I pretty much tried them all, so I don't know which one did the trick but one of 'em did!

Back to Work

My off days for the week are through. Tonight begins a weekend of festivity for me....yeah , right. One of our local colleges (Alabama A&M) is having their Homecoming game this Saturday. This means that they will start all of their pre-parties tonight and it will continue until well after the game Saturday night going into Sunday morning. What does this mean to me? Business.....lots and lots of business. Quite possibly ugly business at that. See, this is like the second busiest weekend of the year (asided from Oakwood alumni weekend, which is a whole different annoying animal) and the final score of the game will determine how rude my customers are this weekend. They will be rude of course....that's a given. But the worse the game goes, the ruder they get......what fun!;) Still, there is always the standard 15% on parties of six or more (thank God for that or I wouldn't make any money at all this week) and there will be several, several of those.

Plus, I still sound like a frog so I hope I don't have to yell at anyone this weekend. There goes all of my fun;).

Wish me luck good peoples!!! I'm gonna need it!

Peace alllll.......

Speaking Of.....

nothing.......I have laryngitis. It first started last weekend (not this past weekend but the one before that)....I was really, really hoarse and once I had a couple of days off I was fine. Then I went back to work and by the time the weekend was over I was hoarse again. Now my voice is almost completely gone. Does anyone have any home remedies for laryngitis? I know the number one thing is to rest your throat and not speak if at all possible but....I have toddlers and I am required to do a lot of talking (if not yelling;)) in my job. So if anyone at all has any type of home remedy, folk cure....anything, please let me know.

One more thing.....why, when someone knows you cannot speak any louder than a whisper, do they choose that time to ask you to repeat yourself?? Just curious.

Peace alllll........

Memories of Norman

My father loved Tammy Wynette. Most of you probably don't know who she was. She was a wonderful country singer of the 60's, 70's and 80's. Her classic hit "Stand By Your Man" is still played today. But, I digress......

My father also, as most of you know, was a raging drunk. One of the things that he liked to do when he was drunk was listen to Tammy Wynette. I never had a problem with that in theory. It was the WAY he used to do it that was a little.....different.

He would knock back a couple of six packs on a Saturday morning to start the fun. Then he would go in my room or my sister's room and get our record player. Not a stereo, not a CD player, but a real live little kids record player. (Yeah, I know ....most people don't remember those either;)) He would then proceed to take this record player out on the front porch. You heard me....the front porch. Then he would get his collection of Tammy Wynette records out (about 20 of them) put one on the record player and turn it up all the way. He would then lie down on the front porch, listen to Tammy and cry. Yes, cry......loudly.....very loudly. So, when I came home from playing at a friend's house, there would be Norman....lying on the front porch, schnockered out of his skull, wailing over Tammy. When he got drunk enough, he would pass out on the porch and we would go and get the record player and the records and put them back in the house. Him? Well, we learned after a few rounds of this that he was just too heavy to move....so we left him there. Sound like a horrible thing for us to do? Well, as a 9 year old I was also smart enough to know that it was better to have him sleeping on the front porch drunk than in the house awake wearing his drunk out on us.

As the years went on my father continued and perfected his ability to pass out on the front porch. Not always with music...but always just in time for me to come home from school. By the time I was in high school my parents had long since divorced but good ole Norman still came around occasionally to catch a porch nap. I remember one day my friend Val had given me a ride home and she had to come in the house for something...I forget what. But as we pulled up I saw my father drunk, lounging on the porch, right in front of the front door. I was mortified. But Val parked the car, got out, walked up to the porch with me, stepped over him, said "Hey, Norman, what's up?", got what she needed and left. She has never said a word about it to this day. For this she has my eternal gratitude.

Once my mom called the cops on Norman because he was drunk and raising a ruckus. However, this was back in the day when the police would not remove a man from his home just because he was drunk and being a jerk. The cop told my mom that the only way he could arrest Norman was if he was in the street drunk or even on the curb. Then they left. So my mom waited until Norman passed out, then rolled him down to the edge of the yard. He was arrested for public intoxication. Horrible? Once again, better him sleeping it off in the drunk tank than terrorizing the house with it.

There were occasions where my father was sober....not many but there were a few. And when he was sober, he was one of the most charming, urbane, witty people you could ever meet. He could tell a tall tale and make you believe it was the gospel truth when you knew it was a lie. He was brilliant, he could make you laugh at just about anything....and he could make you forget for a time what a monster he could be. I just wish that there could have been more of the good days.....but I'll take what I can get.

And, looking back, the incidents with Tammy and the front porch were really quite funny. Maybe not so much at the time but.......(did I ever tell you that I inherited my father's sense of humor too?)

And one of the reasons that I don't drink is that I just love Patsy Cline and Luther Vandross waaaaay too much decimate their music like that;)

Peace alllll.............

Random Happenings Around The House

Joshua has joined the Boy Scouts. He joined last week. And oh my goodness, what a round of excitement this has generated in my home. See, Grover is an Eagle Scout and has always considered his experience in the Scouts to be one of the greatest times of his life. So, fast forward 20 years and now he gets to impart all of his knowledge to a younger generation. (Of course, he is going to be an Assistant Scout Master, what else?) We had always planned on Lou and Boo being Cub Scouts but this is like Christmas come early for Grover. It's really cute to see him all excited over it. (Seriously, the man couldn't even sleep last night!)

I am throwing a Halloween party for the kids next month. We really don't like them all going trick or treating because so few people around here actually give out candy any more. And we could take them to the church festival but there are so many people there and trying to keep up with little kids in the midst of all those people and all that noise is a daunting task for even the most active of parents. Soooo, to save time and trouble, Grover and I decided to have a party for all the kids that we know...friends and extended family. It's still in the early planning stages but all the grown ups we know have come on board and it looks like it might turn out to be a lot of fun. If any of you have any suggestions for any kind of games or activities, they are more than welcome.

The painting business is finally starting to get warmed up. We have the contract for our apartment complex to start doing the rip-outs next month when they start renovating...so between that and two other full time jobs and Scout meetings and kids and the holidays coming up......well, I may get to sleep sometime around January.

Oh, dear, I think I may actually be a soccer mom in the making...and given the fact that I was the punk rocker in high school with the safety pins in my face and the shaved head....now THAT'S funny.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some cookies.....or something like that.

Peace allll.........

38....Not Just A Bra Size

I am 38....there....I said it. And it feels good. It feels very good.

I was reading CCB's blog earlier today and he was listing the advantages of growing older. And I must say that I agree with alllll of them (except the silver haired fox thing...you're right...that only works for guys;)) And I also must say that I am sooo grateful to be where I am now in my life.

When I was 18 I thought that was great too...looking back however, I realize that there was just so much about the real world that I didn't know....I just thought I did at the time.

When I was 25 I was depressed about being 'a quarter of a century old'. (of course at the time I didn't realize that I was in the prime of my youth....not the prime of my life mind you, and there is a difference.) And I spent most of my 20's feeling kind of dumb and inexperienced about life in general....there was so much I didn't know how to do and so much that I wanted to learn. So I spent a lot of time trying to impress people.

When I was 30, I still felt like I was in my 20's...still kind of dumb and wondering where the heck my life was actually going.

When I was 33, I was feeling my youth slip away and was trying desperately to stop it. Two jobs, school....run, run, run all the time.

When I was 35, I was having my 'oh my goodness, I am soooo close to 40' phase. That was not a good year because I still didn't understand that being thisohsoclose to 40 was not a bad thing.

Now, I am 38.....I realize that there is still a lot about the world that I don't know, I still feel kind of dumb somedays and I still don't really know where the heck my life is going. But I do know that it's been a good life so far. Moments may have sucked but all in all it hasn't been too bad. And what has been too bad I have managed to get through with most of my sanity and my sense of humor intact.

I still enjoy talking to the 20 somethings when they ask me for advice (one of the great things about being 'older' is people think you are so much smarter than you actually are;)), I like being called ma'am (sometimes)...and I can publicly announce that I actually do listen to Barry Manilow...and enjoy it.

There is just something about being over the age of 35 that is very liberating....something that makes you just not really care what other people think of you. And it makes life a whole lot more fun.

And in a couple of years I'll be 40....that oughta be a blast. I can officially start wearing really ugly clothes and funny hats...after all, that's what southern women over the age of 40 do isn't it?

Peace alll..........

Smoking or Non?

I am a smoker....a cigarette smoker that is. I don't smoke as much as I used to but I still smoke. I don't smoke around the kids and I smoke outside my house when I do smoke at home so that is not a problem. I am used to that.

In accordance with a new city ordinance, my workplace is now non-smoking as well. All non-smoking. It is taking its toll on our business for the moment but I am sure that will be only temporary. People will get used to it and I don't really have a problem with that part of it. This is the part I have a problem with: we have a break area for (smoking) employees in the kitchen by the office (about 30 feet away from any food prep areas). Non-smoking employees have always been allowed to sit out in the dining room on their breaks and that has never been a problem for me either. I don't really want my non-smoking customers to see me smoking either. (Just a politeness thing I guess)

However, according to this new ordinance, smoking employees will have to smoke outside, 25 feet away from the building. This is where I have a small issue. During the daytime hours, even during the early evening hours, this is perfectly fine. But I work from 10 pm until 6 am. Which means if I want a cigarette at 3 in the morning, I have to go out the back door, walk to the dumpster and smoke in the middle of the night....alone. Now this does not seem to be an even reasonably safe practice in my opinion. I know a lot of the more militant non-smokers will say "well, quit smoking then". And yes, for my health's sake I probably should. But shouldn't that be my decision and not local government's? If I am not anywhere in the vicinity of non-smokers (so that I am not infecting them with my second-hand smoke), if I am in the break room in the back of the house, nowhere near customers or food handling areas...then what is really the point? It's not the fact that I would be annoying customers, or endangering them. It is simply, in my opinion, (my opinion only) another way of the government attempting to make the general population cow to their wishes. It is an attempt by our government to regulate my personal actions.

Now, please don't take me the wrong way. I know that smoking is unhealthy and I would not jeopardize anyone else's health by smoking around them, and I know that not everyone is polite with their bad habits and we have to have some sort of rules or else people would do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. However, the issue here really isn't about smoking. It is about the systematic stripping away of our personal freedoms. You can't smoke here today......you can't eat beef jerky tomorrow. You can't eat beef jerky tomorrow and next month you can't marry the man you are in love with because you might not produce aesthecially pleasing children. Think that you reallllly have freedom of speech? Not with the Echelon system firmly in place you don't. You think that the government doesn't know more about your life than you do? Think twice.

To most people this post may sound like the ramblings of a paranoid individual. Not so. If I were paranoid, I would think that everyone was out to get me. As it is now, I have a lot more trust in a stranger on the street than I do my own government. They are already in our workplaces, our streetlights, our computer systems and who knows where else. Where does it end? Does it end when OUR government bans lip synching or tells us we can only have two children per household? We are supposed to be the best government in the world, the model of democracy....a government by the people and for the people, not exclusively for a bunch of old, rich white guys in Washington.

Before I get slammed with a lot of those "you are anti-American" comments, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I love my country. I LOVE MY COUNTRY. It is the best country in the world, bar none. It's our government that I hate. So my mayor can put that in her pipe and smoke it....outside by the dumpster with me.

Peace alllll..........

Man Oh Man

I really hate to complain but sometimes it seems as if women got the short end of the stick on this whole 'man/woman partnership' thing. I know Eve was the first one to bite the apple (or whatever fruit it was) and Adam merely followed her lead. But consider:

1. Women not only have to be the ones who are pregnant for 9 months and then give birth (16 hours of agonizing labor I tell ya....16 HOURS!! (sorry ...just practicing for my son's guilt trip in a few years;))) but we also have: menstrual cycles, PMS, hormonal imbalances, possible osteoperosis and mustaches after a certain age.

2. Older men are considered "dignified", "sophisticated", "sexy". Older women are considered " little old ladies".

3. Most of the time, women are responsible for the whole birth control thing. (Don't even get me started on that)

4. It is far more acceptable for men to walk around with beer guts and saggy pants than it is a woman. (not that I aspire to do that but that's not the point.)

5. Everytime a woman gets upset, so many people assume that "it's that time of the month". When men get upset, they can do so freely and simply be considered a jerk, not a premenstrual jerk.

6. There is still a social stigma attached to older women/younger men...but older men can walk around with some vacant eyed 18 year old girl and their friends are like "HOORAH!" (not realizing they both look equally ridiculous)

7. Women have to wear bras. Men can't even keep their underwear clean.

8.Men will never know the joy of walking around all day in high heeled shoes, control top pantyhose, and enough makeup to cover up how they REALLY look. They also have never had to sleep on curlers.

9. Men can go outside bare chested and not get arrested. Laughed at, maybe, but not put in jail for it.

10. A man can still refer to his wife as 'the little woman' but I have never heard a woman refer to her husband as 'the little man'.

One of these days, when I am 105 and have a lot more to vent about, when I get to Heaven, Eve and I are going to have a reallllly long talk.

Peace allll.............

Moona!!

My, how you have gone from such a serious one year old to such a goofy 12 year old! Just wanted to tell ya HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY my biggest boy.....just one more year and you'll be an official teenager. Now if only time would slow up just a bit so I can enjoy this as long as possible.:)

Love ya Josh!!!!

Money Talks

Maybe it's just me...but I don't think it's about race. I don't think that skin color had anything to do really with the government's response (or lack thereof) to the Katrina disaster. I think it had more to do with the color of people's money (or lack thereof).

See, the government doesn't really care what color you are. They care how much money you have. And if you don't fall into the higher income tax bracket, well then you're basically on your own. ( And please, before you start ranting about 'federal programs' designed to help the 'financially challenged'....take a good long look at these programs. Most of them are outdated, understaffed and, by the time corrupt leaders take their pound of flesh out, woefully underfinanced.)

Unfortunately, the preponderance of people who live below the poverty line or just right above it are not caucasian. They are Blacks and Hispanics. Therefore, you get the idea that it is black people that the Bush administration cares so little about. Not true. The Bush administration, just like EVERY presidency before it (be they Dem or Republican) doesn't really care about ANYONE. It's just that money equals power; consequently, they are reallllly not concerned with those that have no money. Because if your main concern is feeding your family, what can you do to make a difference to the President? Or the governor? Or the mayor? Nothing but a lot of talking, which goes in one ear and out the other.

I think what I am most angry about is this: we have seen the carnage, we have seen the bodies in the street, we have seen the suffering. And we have seen our President, the leader of our country, the most powerful man in the world...delivering lip service and posing for photo ops. Patting these people on the head like they are his pet dogs, like they are mentally challenged children who don't know how to tie their own shoes. Thinking that his trite cliches delivered with all the sincerity of a Gap store sales clerk are going to make these people feel better about things. Why don't you pretend it was your own family George, your own daughters, your own wife? Maybe even your own dog? (Who I'm sure receives more genuine caring from you than the people of this country do) Wipe that half-witted smirk off of your face and get down here in the dirt with the real people who are having to deal with this mess...not surrounded by a council of 'advisors' who have no more idea of what is really going on than you do.

I know that we don't have the finances to back any presidential campaigns, or to buy our senator's votes. But we are still American citizens....black, white, what the heck ever. We were born in this country and by virtue of that we deserve the same thing that the wealthy deserve. Your leadership, your sincerity, your compassion and your time. I don't think that I am asking for much....all I'm asking is that you do your JOB. (You know....job...that thing most of us have to do or else get fired. Hmmmm....fired....there's a thought)

And that's all I have to say about that....for now.

Peace alllll......

Beagle

It's been 8 years today.

There are days when I wake up, for a second I forget that you are gone...and then I remember.

There are days when I call Joshua's name and I almost call yours right behind it...and then I remember.

There are holidays and events where I do the 'kid count' and miscount a couple of times..and then I remember.

The remembering I have learned to deal with.

It's the forgetting that's hard.

I love you.

I miss you.

I'll see you when we get there.

Conflicted

I could not be more proud of or more thankful for my fellow countrymen and women.

I could not be more ashamed of the leaders of our federal government.

The Best and The Worst

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."-A Tale of Two Cities

This is a tale of one city....and one country.

I have been watching the coverage of Katrina and the aftermath for several days now. I have been alternately awestruck, revolted, angered, and moved to tears at the images that I have seen. I have seen the best and the worst of human nature.

I have watched people looting stores and running through the flooded streets like they were on holiday. Not just grabbing food, water and diapers. That would be understandable; you have to survive. But clothes and furniture? Attempting to profit off of someone's tragedy?
I have seen people screaming for help and being ignored, violence bubbling just underneath the surface of fear. People shooting at the very ones who are trying to help them. People complaining that the help isn't coming fast enough. Dead bodies floating in the water and the walking dead who have lost their families, their homes, their everything and people right next to them who are beginning to turn on one another because they don't know where else to turn.

I have also watched as people have gone down there to help. People who have sent money, blood, food, supplies, water. People from Texas to Alabama to Tennessee who have opened their homes to people they don't even know. Churches here and in other areas that have been opened as shelters. Corporations that have donated millions of dollars, cars, trucks, helicopters, building supplies and other necessities. Medical personnel that have volunteered time and skill. State governments who have stepped in to provide whatever help they can. Local hotels that have allowed people to stay for free until they can find other accomodations. Refugees that have come to my town and others to find work have been given whatever jobs have been available to tide them over until they can go back home, if they can ever go back.

It has been a nightmare and will continue to be so for some time. The situation is desperate and it looks like it will get worse before it gets better. However, it will get better. I know this because I know my country. This is the United States of America . We may not always agree with each other; shoot, we may not always even LIKE each other but when push comes to shove we take care of our own. It's what we do.

I would like to ask each and every one of you to help in any way that you can. A dollar at one of the local collection agencies helps. Give blood; it will be in short supply soon. Donate food, water, toiletries, anything that you can. I am sure that you have local collection agencies in your area. If not, then ask the Red Cross where you can make a donation. Send a prayer...you don't even have to leave your house to do that.

Just try to help....any way that you can. Because the next time, and there will be a next time (there always is), it could be you and yours.

Peace alllll.........

Blessings on those in New Orleans, Alabama, Mississippi, Florida. God be with you all.

Anybody Know A Good Window Guy?

My husband and I had a little tiff this morning. Nothing unusual about that;) However, the subject matter was a little offbeat.

See, we live in north central Alabama. Right in Katrina's way. Well, by the time she reached our area, she had been downgraded to a tropical storm. Nothing too severe, just a lot of wind and rain....LOTS of wind and rain. Given the heat here for the past couple of months, it was kind of nice, the wind part anyway. So, I opened all the windows and just enjoyed the breeze for a while. Fine.

Well, this morning, Grover comes in the bedroom and says "See, this what your 'enjoyable breeze' did last night." He is holding the back window to our van. Well, okay....why are you mad at me about it? He never could answer that question though. There are thousands of people without homes or power or anything else and you're complaining about a van window? I think working two jobs is beginning to take its toll on you. Grouch.

Oh well, ya gotta love married life. And sometimes you have to ignore your husband so you can enjoy it;)

Peace alllll...............

September 5, 1997

Gather 'round boys and girls:

The date was September 5, 1997. A little boy, 3, a little girl,2, and a lady were asleep in their apartment. They had fallen asleep in the living room while watching Cartoon Network. The kids had fallen asleep first and the lady wondered momentarily if she should carry them to their bedrooms but decided against it as their grandmother would be returning home from work soon and they could put the kids in bed then. Not an unusual event for any of them. The lady stretched out on the other couch and in no time had dozed off herself.

She was awakened by the smoke. Sitting straight up on the couch, she called for the children. It was then that she realized the entire wall by the front door was on fire. Not being able to see through the smoke, she had to rely on the children's voices to give her an approximation of where they were. She runs to the front door, grabbing one child's hand as she goes. She doesn't know which child it is, just that it's one of them. She opens the door and pushes the child through it. As she turns around to grab the other child no more than 3 feet away, the room explodes and throws her across the hallway into the door of the other apartment.

By this time the neighbors are there, the living room is engulfed in flames, someone's calling 911 and someone has gone to the back to try to get into the apartment that way. It's impossible. The lady is still trying to get through the front door to reach her other child but the neighbors are holding her back because (as she was told later) the heat was simply too intense to get through. She can hear her child calling her name, screaming for her. So she keeps trying to get in. But she can't. It isn't until the fire department comes and forcibly removes her that she stops.

So they can do their jobs.

The fire department is notified, however, that the lady's upstairs neighbors have a propane grill on the balcony upstairs. At that point, they refuse to go in to try to rescue the child, because "it's too dangerous." They simply try to put the fire out. It seems to go on forever.

At some point, the lady really doesn't know when because time and reality have ceased to exist for the moment, the fire is extinguished. She knows that her child didn't make it, but hopes against all hope anyway.

She walks up to a fireman and asks him "Did you find the little girl?" He responds "Yeah, what was left of her." Torn between being dying herself and wanting to kill this man, she simply says "I'm her mother" and walks away. The fireman rushes after her saying that he didn't know and she tells him "That shouldn't have mattered."

Briana Grace Brown died on September 5, 1997. We buried her on September 10, 1997. Rachel (her grandmother)...her father died on September 17th, exactly one week after Briana's funeral. He couldn't take it.

In the space of six months, from March 17, 1997 to September 17, 1997 I lost my mother, my father, Briana, and the man who had been like a second dad to me. And I don't mean to lessen the others but Briana was my child. She's the one that ...when her life ended, so did half of mine.

During the week of the funeral, we stayed at Rachel's sister's house until we could find another place. One day I was sitting in the bedroom and watched someone come out of the bathroom. And I knew that there were razor blades in the bathroom. And it just seemed like it would be so easy and mercifully quick. I was getting up to go there when two thoughts stopped me.

1. If you do this you'll go to hell and you'll never see her again.
2. What would Josh do? He wouldn't be able to deal with both of you gone. You have to be there for him, even if you don't feel like you're going to make it yourself.

And so I stopped.

In December of 1996, I had a tattoo put on my upper right arm. It is the only one I have. It is a phoenix. At the time, I liked the symbolism of rising up from the ashes. If only I had known how prophetic it would turn out to be 10 months later.

It's getting close to that time of year again. Briana would have been 10 years old this year. Some days are good, some not so good. Some nights I can go to sleep. Some nights I still hear her screaming my name and I cry myself to sleep.

Joshua and I talk about it sometimes, more often than not we don't. See, we were the only ones there that night and we already know what the other one's going through. It's a bond we share, one that neither one of us would have chosen voluntarily. But oftentimes it makes conversation unnecessary.

I get glimpses of her every now and again. The way Josh will move his hand or tell a joke and laugh at himself like she used to...a little girl who looks just like her but isn't her..and I feel her around me sometimes it seems. Crazy? I don't think so. I think it's just God's way of sending comfort my way.

I just hope that when I get to Heaven she remembers me and finds no fault with how I've turned out.

Why did I decide to tell this? Because I wanted everyone to know that there once was a girl named Briana Grace Brown.

And she was loved more than you will ever know.

Peace alllll..............

Yeah, I'm A Christian....What of It?

In a previous comment on one of my posts, the great one OGO made the statement that many Christians are percieved by the media as zealots or radicals. This statement hit really close to home for me. In order for you to understand that, I must first begin by explaining what it means to me to be a Christian.

According to what I believe, as a Christian I have obtained eternal salvation through the Lord Jesus Christ. In other words I have been "born again." Simple enough. However, living as a Christian can be a little.....sticky....sometimes. The reason for this is mainly because people have already determined what I think, what I feel and how I will respond to any situation before they have even spoken to me for more than 5 minutes. And so, due to their preconceived notions (hmmm...can we say "prejudice"?)...they think they 'know' me. They don't.

As a Christian:

1. I DO NOT think that I am better than anyone. We are all human and we are all stuck in this together whether we like it or not. I am just the same as another Christian, another mom, another woman, another person on this earth no matter what their beliefs are. We all feel the same joys, the same pains, the same humiliations, the same fears. We all long to be loved, needed, wanted and accepted by others. We all make mistakes and we all have regrets. We all have days when we feel that we could take on the world and we all have days when we would just rather hide under the covers and hope no one finds us. It's called the human condition and as long as you are human you are subject to it.

2. I do not agree with abortion;however, I also do not agree with blowing up abortion clinics and killing doctors who perform them.

3. I do not condone suicide. I do understand completely why someone would want to commit suicide. I have been there myself before....once..a long time ago. And I'm glad I didn't.

4. I GET ANGRY sometimes. What? You don't think a Christian can get angry? Of course we can. Doesn't mean I make a habit of it...but it happens. (See the human condition notation in number 1)

5. I'm not always happy happy joy joy but I try to extract as much happiness as I can out of any given day. Some days it's a lot, somedays not. Just depends on how the day goes.

6. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone else. (Unless it comes to protecting my kids....then all bets are off)

7. I think that serving other people is a much better thing than always serving myself (I'm not talking about self-preservation....I'm talking about self-absorption).

8. I don't always have a good day. Some days are good, some days are bad and some days are just days. But I'm grateful for each and everyone that the Lord sees fit to bless me with.

Now.....you have read the list above. Read it again. Sound like anyone you may know? Maybe, with a couple of exceptions, it maybe sounds a lot like you? Are you a zealot or a fanatic? No? Then why would you think that I would be just because I'm a Christian?

Why are non-Christians who have dissenting opinons simply looked at like regular people who have dissenting opinions? But when a Christian doesn't agree well, then, they are .....zealots, fanatics, nuts, hypocrites, self-righteous, holier than thou or pompous and pretentious? (Just pick one)

In the past few years since I have become a Christian I have been dogged out, made fun of, ignored, spit on, cursed out, rejected, shut out and shut up (although the shut up part hasn't happened much....I'm a little to contrary for all that;)). I have been expected to apologize for my beliefs and have seen much disbelief (not to mention anger) when I have refused. I have not and will not apologize for being a Christian. I can't. It's who and what I am. And if you expect me to have tolerance and forbearance when it comes to your beliefs, I think you need to begin with you.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Peace alllll..........

Venting, Venting...Oh, And Did I Mention Venting?

Political correctness started out as a pretty good thing. I mean, most people with any kind of conscience at all would not deliberately want to insult another person for just no reason. So, while I agree with it in theory, I think that it has gone waaaay too far. You can't say anything at all these days without someone being offended. It seems as if there are groups of people who are just walking around waiting to be offended and they will jump on any opportunity. Perhaps if they would stop thinking about themselves so much, they wouldn't have time to be offended so often. So....political? Sometimes, yes I am. Correct? Not often;)

Speaking of being offended or insulted or peeved by what others are saying, I have just three words: PAT, PAT, PAT.......Robertson that is. You know, the leader of the 700 Club, the one that said that assassinating Venezuelan president Chavez would be much less expensive than going to war. Why are people so bent out of shape about this and demanding a public apology? The man has a right to say what he wants. He is covered by the 1st Amendment, no? So, even though you may not agree with him, you certainly cannot disagree with his right to say what he thinks. Personally, although I DO NOT condone assassinations as a rule, I have to agree: it would be a lot cheaper. Of course, now ...if Dennis Rodman or Jessica Simpson or Hulk Hogan or Barbra Streisand had said the same thing, they would have people lining up on their websites and outside of their homes to show support. Is it because Robertson is a Christian and somewhere along the way people have gotten the idea that Christians are supposed to be soooo passive and have no dissenting opinion on anything? Or what?

Now for something completely different:

Why are so many people these days concerned with style over substance? Why are they so worried about what kind of car they are driving and how much bling they have and how big their house is when they are not really so worried about what is going on in those big houses? Like what their kids are doing when they're not around and what their spouses are doing when they're working 'overtime'. Do they really know? Do they really care? Or are they just worried about keeping up appearances? Just a curiousity.

Do I sound a little cynical, a little bitter? I'm not. It's just maybe I have come to a point in my life where I'm simply tired of all the silly crap. If you can't actually use your brain for something other than figuring out what to wear when you go out tonight or the quickest way to get laid, I just don't have much time for it. If you spend so much time in your neighbor's backyard that your own is getting kinda cruddy, I just don't have much time for it. If you are recoiling in offense at what I'm saying but you would gladly talk about your best friend behind their back, I just don't have time for it. If you look good on the outside but your soul is as black as the pits of hell, then I just don't have time for it.

Looks like I may be freeing up a whole lot of space on my schedule in the future.

Peace alllll...........

H.B.D. To Me :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Because everyone else is asleep right now...I'll be the first one to say it.
That's right...I'm another year older. Another year wiser? I don't know yet. When I was a little kid I would have thought someone my age was "old". Am I old? Not in my opinion. I still feel the same as I did when I was 18...just a liiiitttle slower and a lot more tired.

Do I have anything profound to say? Any pearls of wisdom gleaned from my now 38 years of existence? I don't know. I'll have to think on that for a while. (You know the mind works a little slower as the years advance;))

For the moment I just wanted to ring in the day with a thank You to the good Lord for letting me make it this far.

I'm sure I'll be back later on today with one of those verrrry dull 'self-reflection posts'. Until then, have a blissful day!:)

Peace allllllllllllll

Just Gettin' It Out of My System

You know, I try to be a mellow person...I really do. However, somedays it seems as if forces are aligned against me. Some days it seems as if all of my secret irritations become public and I just have to say something. Here are a few things that irritate me:

1. Cell phones......pretty much everything about them.....the fact that so many people attempt to multi-task while they are on them: driving, walking, eating, paying for their groceries, etc.; the obnoxious ringtones that so many people seem to be so fond of: you know the ones that are supposed to sound like a particular song but they never really do...they just sound like Muzak on hallucinogenics; and the fact that so many phones are now capable of taking pictures and videos. I was in Wal-Mart the other night and there was this really annoying, rude woman in front of me. So rude in fact that I didn't bother to tell her that her shirt had ridden waaaaay up above her low-rider jeans in the back (and NO, I wasn't ready for that jelly;)) and her rolls were hanging all over the place. So the woman behind me was also irritated by this annoying, rude woman and asked me to please scoot over by about an inch. I did and then realized that the woman behind me was taking a video with her phone of the woman in front of me. She then proceeded to tell me that she was going to go home and put this woman's backside all over the internet. I didn't know which one to be more afraid of....the woman in front of me or the one behind me. You gotta love technology right?

2. Check writers.....you know the name of the store, you know the date, you know that you are going to write a check. Could you please at least fill out the above-mentioned information BEFORE your items are totalled up???? PLEASE! But nooooo, you have to get all the way through the line...then dig through that land of the lost purse of yours (with Life-Savers from 1979 and who knows what else) to find your check book and a pen THAT WRITES. Then you proceed to fill out allll of the information as slowly as possible. And of course you don't have your I.D. ready. You wait until they ask you for it and then proceed to dig it out of that LaBrea tar pit purse. And then you have to audacity to turn around and look at the 20 or so people that have gathered in line behind you and get the 'what?' expression. You know, like "what did I do?"

3. Noisy eaters....the people who can make noise with pudding. I don't need to hear every crunch of your potato chips, I don't need to hear every slurp of your drink, I don't need to hear every crack and pop of your gum. Please close your mouth when you are chewing because I don't need to see all of that. And please, for the love of everyone's ear drums around you, PLEASE stop scraping your utensils against your teeth!!! That is why God gave us lips...so we wouldn't have to use our teeth as a mouth stopper.

4. Men who will not pull their pants up. Heavy or thin.......that's just disgusting. Crack kills and I don't want to see what kind of underwear you have on.

5. Women you are about 50 pounds overweight who try to squeeze into tube tops or baby t's. Look, I know you should love yourself no matter what your size and I'm glad that you do. But some things need to be kept under wraps. Cover that mess up!

6. People who say they are going to call and then never do. Or else they wait forever to get back in touch with you and by that time you're off doing something else and then the next time you see them they tell you that "Oh, I tried and tried calling you but no one ever answered." No you didn't. You just thought that I wasn't home and you're trying not to look like a jerk.

7. Late people/procrastinators....people who never, ever, ever show up on time for anything. (Read this one closely GROVER!) People who never start anything when they are supposed to and consequently are always late and have everyone else around them late as well. Showing up late for something is insulting. I don't care what fashion dictates, there is no such thing as being fashionably late. Sure, every once in a while you can't help it. But when it becomes chronic, well, that's when I'd just like to shoot 'em in the foot.

And now that I have said what I need to say, I will now return you to your mellow versionof me! Have a nice day:-)!

Peace alllll...........

My (So Far) Dull Week

Wow, what a week this has been.........

We took the boys to the doctor for their yearly checkups. They are in great shape but I think they may have some nerve damage in their ears from Lukas screaming the entire time they were in the examination room with him. (Lukas hates....absolutely hates...doctors, dentists or any medical personnel). Lukas, my 3 year old, is now now 42" tall and 51 pounds....that's right....a 3 and a half foot 3 year old. Jakob is 3 feet tall and 40 pounds. For those of you that have kids you know that's a liiiiiitle.......tall. I'm 5'11 and they'll probably be taller than me by the time they're in the 5th grade. So, finally....I'll be the shortie in the house.:)

Grover has started a new business. A painting/pressure washing business. He already has 3 houses pending for the 1st of September....along with his regular job.

Joshua...God bless him. He wants to play football this year....but I'm not so sure about that. Not sure if I'm able to face the thought of my "baby" getting hit and hurt on a football field. Oh, well....why not. If he can deal with it, I guess I really don't have a choice but to let him grow up a little more. Thanks Josh for making me feel sooooooo OLD;).

Anyway.....it's been kinda dull for the first half of the week. But sometimes dull can be good. Anyone with excessive drama can attest to that.:)

Let me go watch the news so I can get good and ticked off about something and I'll be back to rant later.

Peace alllllll...........

Tara

My best friend's daughter has 6 children. Yep.....6. She had them all by the time she was 26 years old. Okay, this wouldn't be a big deal except:

The first one who is now 13 (do the math people) lived with her father for the first 11 years of her life.

The second one (Joshua...my baby...almost 12) was given to her mother and myself on the day he was born because ...and I quote...she "just didn't have time to fool with it". Rachel and I have been raising him from day one.

The third one (Briana...passed away in 1997 (a story I will be telling soon))...she also gave to her mother and me for the same reasons.

The fourth and fifth ones (Corey and Gabrielle)...well, she was married when she had them and so, even though she really didn't want them either, it would have just looked kind of funny had she given them away as well I guess. She is now divorced from their father and looking for any excuse under the sun to not really have to fool with them. They are six and four and they have some issues courtesy of mommy and daddy.

The sixth one (Colin)...she gave to her cousin and his wife because she had a bad falling out with his father while she was pregnant with him and decided she didn't want to have anything to do with this child either.

After the last one she finally had her tubes tied so that she will no longer be contributing to the world's population.

Now that the two oldest ones are actually old enough to have opinions on things, she is beginning to regret being such a dog. However, that regret has still not led to any accountability. She is now offended that Joshua will not ever refer to her as his mom. She is not his mom.. Rachel and I are.

Now that she has decided to give up days of whoring and drugging, and is now trying to better her life, NOW she wants a real "mother/child" relationship with the two oldest. And although I am happy to see her trying to better herself, there are some things that she needs to realize.

1. You reap what you sow.......she may be willing to forget how she dogged these kids out in the past...but they are not. And although Joshua holds no ill will towards her, she will never be his mother. He has told her this. He has also told her that she did not raise him, she put in no work or time on him, she spent no sleepless nights when he was sick or scared or just wanted to talk (especially after Briana died). His grandmother (momma) and I did that. She can't just say...."okay I'm ready to be a mom to you now" because as he told her..."I'm not ready to be a son to you." Painful? Yes....on all sides. However, this is what she did and these are the results of her actions.

2. You cannot go around saying "well, I was young" all of your life. Yeah, you were young and you did some not so bright things. Well, now you're older and you have to face them.

3. You cannot resent the ones who took up your slack. You weren't going to raise your kids. Someone had to. And there was simply no reason (financially, physically, spiritually or emotionally) why those children should have been put in the foster care system when they had people who were more than willing to care for them if you weren't (i.e. your mom and myself).

Sometimes in this life, you have to look at all the stupid crap you have done. Things that you have done to people, things that you have not done for people. And you have to own it. Because it belongs to you...no one else. Is it easy? NO.....Have I done it? More times than I care to count.

And once you have owned it....you have to let it reallllly sink in. What you have done. And then.....you have to apologize to the injured party. Even if they don't feel injured. Those are just the rules of decency. And if you have to spend the better part of the rest of your life making up for it....then that's what you do. Act in haste .....repent in leisure.

And my dear Tara....once you can and will do all of the above....then you can call yourself a "full grown woman"....a phrase that you are so fond of now and one which you currently fall tragically short of fulfilling.

Peace alllll..........

Birthday Boys

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOU AND BOO! For those of you that don't know, Lou and Boo, aka Lukas and Jakob, aka known as Louie and Fish are my two little ones. Today is their birthday! They will be 3 and 2 respectively. (Yep, they have the same birthday just a year apart.)

So we'll be having a fabulous time today just letting the whole house get wrecked and not worrying about it until tomorrow.(Yeah, I'll use pretty much any excuse to keep from having to clean the house all day;))

I'd also like to thank Lukas and Jakob (in case they read this 20 years from now of course) for being the two best little boys a mom could ever hope to have, and for always keeping me on my toes. Don't know what I did to deserve you guys but I must have done something right.:)

Peace allll.....

Rest In Peace Peter Jennings

A darn fine journalist and a darn good man. He will be sorely missed by those of us who take pride in the few ethical journalists we have left. And that's all I have to say about that.

Peace alll....

Just A Couple More

Just a couple more hours in the day is all I need. Just a couple. Just enough to maybe get some real sleep instead of these 2 hour naps I've been surviving on for almost 3 years now.

Just enough to maybe see my husband more than a few minutes a day. Enough to maybe sit and talk face to face versus playing phone tag all the time. Would be nice.

Just a couple more hours to make sure that I could get all the cooking and the cleaning and the bathing and the fussing about how much cooking and cleaning and bathing I have to do out of the way. Maybe just a minute to relax before I'm off to the next task. Shame when you look at sleep as a task, not as a pleasure. Because there is no 'sleeping in', there is no oversleeping, there is no snooze button in my day. And therefore, the pleasure in sleeping, the laziness and the stretching, the occasional scratching even;), is gone. Just, BAM.....get up. You have things to do. They need to be done now and you're still behind from all of the crap that you didn't get done yesterday.

Just a couple....not much. Just a couple of minutes to think. Just a couple of seconds to maybe catch my breath. Just a second, not even a couple, to regroup, reflect, focus and center myself.

Somedays I just want to go on strike. Here, YOU do it....I'm taking a nap. But then, I wouldn't be able to sleep because I know that one of two things would happen while I was snoozing.....1. It wouldn't get done or 2. It would be done wrong. ( Am I a control freak? No, not at all. Am I a perfectionist? Well, maybe sometimes. But that's beside the point.)

I am not the type of person who just burns out. I go down in flames. I feel it coming. I called out of work last night hoping to prevent it. Just trying to get that couple of extra hours. Never got 'em though. Ended up doing laundry instead;). For some reason that is insanely, albeit pathetically, funny to me.

Grover better get some water quick. Or I may be completely flamed out before he even notices I'm fuming. (Oh, please.....I even made myself gag with that one;))

I just don't want life to pass me by before I get the couple of minutes I need to notice it.

Peace alllll...........