Whoo Hoo! I Got Tagged!!

I am seriously excited about this....I almost never get tagged for anything! Thanks, Megan!:)

Okay, here goes:

What was I doing 10 years ago?
Josh was almost 2, I was 27 (oh my...so young!) and I was working ...a lot, cussing....a lot, and trying to make sense of the whole potty training thing and why I STILL felt so dumb even though I was almost 30;)....oh, yeah, I was also avoiding my 10 year high school reunion!

What was I doing 5 years ago?
Working 2 jobs, going to school, getting married....all sorts of fun stuff....something about being over 30 kinda got me a little motivated (quit cussing though!)

What was I doing 1 year ago?
Celebrating my babies' first and second birthdays, working, deciding I was NEVER having any more children.

What was I doing yesterday morning, noon and evening?
Doing laundry, feeding the kids and working (wait a minute.....this whole working thing is becoming a bit repetitive!)

What will I be doing today and tomorrow?
Hmmm.....let's see.....WORKING! And maybe, if I am incredibly lucky, I'll manage to squeeze in a couple of hours of sleep;)

5 snacks I enjoy...
Kool-Pops, Peanut Butter M&Ms, apples (all the time!), frozen grapes and popcorn

5 bands and singers for which I know most of their stuff......
Queen (way before most of your time), The Gaither Trio (gospel group), Kid Rock (don't ask), Luther Vandross and Barry Manilow (don't say a word...he is my guilty pleasure;))

What would I do with $100,000,000
Buy a decent house, decent car, pay for my kids' educations, buy a lot of towels and then give the rest of it away.....yep, all of it. (How many pairs of shoes can somebody buy and still wear all of them anyway?)

Five locations I'd run away to....
Tybee Island, Georgia
Ireland
Newport News, Virginia
England (not London....one of the little towns)
Maine

5 bad habits....
Smoking
Talking too much
Being impatient
Perfectionism
Laughing waaaay to loudly (kinda like a donkey;))

5 things I like doing....
Reading
Listening to music
BLOGGING!!
Going on road trips
Playing "Mad Dog" with the kids

5 things I would never wear
Glitter eyeshadow
Tube tops
Thongs
Spike heels (I don't have the balance for them;)
Low rider jeans (I am not a plumber!)

5 TV shows I like
Alias
Lost
Law & Order: SVU
Celebrity Fit Club (Gary Busey is a nut though)
House....the best show on television....seriously

5 movies I like
Steel Magnolias
Silence of the Lambs
Pay It Forward
Scream (all 3 of them)
Tombstone

5 famous people I'd like to meet
Kevin Spacey
Sandra Bullock
Jeremy Irons
Anthony Hopkins
Wes Craven

5 biggest joys at the moment
Joshua
Lukas
Jakob
Grover
Life

5 favorite toys
My computer
My ancient, original Nintendo (it still works and I still play games on it!)
Lukas' duck (it's a plastic duck...when you pull the string it walks and quacks songs)
The boys' plastic animals (from their Noah's ark)
Joshua's Gameboy (which should be mine, considering the fact that I play with it more than he does!)

Okay.....
I'm tagging the following 4:

Heather
OGO
Leslie
Adrienne

Get to work people!!

Peace allll......

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me or is it every other mom out there who has this chronic guilt because they feel that no matter what they do, they are just not doing enough for their kids? And is it just me or have most dads escaped this all consuming sensation of failure as a parent?

Is is just me or is the amount of proper housecleaning done directly proportionate to the amount of estrogen carried by said housekeeper? In other words, why can't most men just clean the house right the first time?

Is is just me or does the current field of popular female singers really need to put some more clothes on? (i.e. Jessica Simpson: really, what does washing a car in a bikini have to do with your boots walking?????) Exception of course being Joss Stone....whatta voice! And she doesn't have to show her tatas to sell albums. Now there's a novel idea!

Is it just me or is it actually becoming harder and harder to just be a decent person these days? People just don't want to give anyone a break anymore and the general population is becoming ruder, more hostile and just downright freakier than ever before.

Is it just me or does the kids show "BOOBAH" scare the crap out of anyone else? That is just a freaky show.

Is it just me or does everyone else hate their job?

Is it just me or is everyone else feeling overwhelmed by life in general?

Just wondering is all.

Peace allll...........

Gripe

My house was clean on Thursday of last week. Then I had to start my work week Thursday night. And I made the mistake of letting Joshua's cousin Chris spend the weekend. That means that I had 4, count 'em 4, members of the male species in my home unattended. Grover, Lukas, Jakob, Josh and Chris.......what was I thinking? By the time Monday, my off day, rolled around, my house had been destroyed. When I asked Grover what happened....well....of course, he didn't know. He's a guy....housekeeping duties are pretty foreign to him.(Or so he says) So....I have spent the past 2 and a half days restoring my house to it's former semi-glory. (I have kids....it's only gonna get so glorious;))

But I have come up with a new house rule: there can be no more than three testosterone bearing creatures in my home at one time. It just shifts the household hormonal balance too much for my taste.

Now I've got laundry to do. Eight loads. That was also done Thursday. How do 4 males go through EIGHT loads of clothes in 4 days? Because they think that magical laundry fairies come in when they're asleep to wash them!

If only they knew that their magical laundry fairy has serious PMS this week.

Peace alllll..........

"Fret Not Thyself" aka My Message to Red

"Fret not thyself because of evildoers, nor be envious against workers of iniquity, for they shall be cut down like grass..." Psalms 37:1-2

My mom used to love this Bible verse and she used it frequently. It was one of the first ones that I ever learned, one of the first she ever taught me. She seemed to think it was important that I knew and understood what it meant, mainly because of my father.

See, my father was supposed to love me ....but he didn't. And he made no bones about that fact. My father, I see in retrospect, had a lot of issues to deal with and he just chose hurting other people as his method of dealing.

When I was little, it used to really hurt me when he would look at me and call me stupid, or ugly or worthless. (You have to understand when I say little I mean like 4 or 5) And because my mom knew that it hurt me, and there was no way, even if were hundreds of miles away, that she could prevent it, she taught me this verse. It has stood me in good stead over the years.

Was my father cut down like grass? Well, it depends on how you look at it. He lived to be 70 years old and died alone. Alone....because he had burnt all of his bridges years before. The day that I found out that my father had died, I cried two tears.....one for that which never was and one for that which never would be. That was it. So although you might not say he was cut down, he certainly withered away. Which is sorta the same thing.

Anyway, my point in all of this that there are going to people in our lives that don't like us, maybe even hate us, for no reason.....no reason at all. And we will not always be able to depend on others to defend us or run interference for us or be our buffers. Because sometimes they won't and other times they just can't. So, in the end, you have to deal with it yourself. How you choose to deal is on you.

You can run and hide and duck your head everytime they come around and thus give them the power and control they need to continue feeding their hatred. (That one never worked for me....I am way too loud and opinionated for that;))

You can look for any excuse under the sun to start an argument with them , curse them out, verbally spit on them and dream of ways to kill them. (Tried that one.....for years. Decided it was too time consuming and draining. And it occurred to me...why am I wasting so much energy on this person??)

You can be happy with who you are and what you are doing and live your life in complete disregard of them. I have found that, for me, this is the best solution. See, there are people out there that still may not like me. And my response to that is "SO?" I'm not sleeping with you and I don't really care what you like." And then I put it, and them, out of my mind because I have better things to do with my life.

And when you truly, TRULY, stop giving a rat's red rump what ANYONE thinks of you.....it is so very liberating. The only one I truly have to answer to is God. Anyone else is completely negotiable, including Grover. I love him, but he doesn't always agree with what I say or do....and he doesn't have to. ( When he is in what I call "high trip mode" and he wants to argue or criticize and I find that I just don't have time for it I will simply interrupt him with a loud "BLAH!" ....and I will keep repeating it "BLAH!.....BLAH!....BLAH!" ...every 30 seconds until he shuts up...normally takes about 2 minutes tops for him to give up. This also works well with bosses and in-laws;))

Anyhow, as long as I know that what I am doing is what I'm supposed to be doing and that I am being the best person I can be, then I will not fret myself because of any of 'em. And if they don't like it welllllll.........I guess they can just go kick rocks, huh?

Peace allllll.............

Excuses, Excuses

Why, in this day of chronic self-absorption, do so many people refuse to be held accountable for their own actions? They would rather point the finger at or place the blame on anyone or anything other than themselves.

"I had a hard childhood"......
"My parents didn't show me enough attention"
"My parents showed me too much attention"
"The guy next door has a better job than I do"
"She's prettier than I am"
"I'm just under a lot of stress"

Most of us have had some or all of the above thoughts. Most of us just deal with it and move on. It's part of the human condition. But there are a few, and the numbers are growing, that use statements very similar to these to excuse away any of their actions.

"Well, I was rude to that cashier because I had a rough day at work and she was just so cheerful." So you decided to try to ruin her day as well.

"I bit your head off this morning because I hadn't had enough sleep the night before." Oh, so you're saying that your brain wasn't functioning too well because of sleep deprivation? But you came up with such inventive phrases! The imagination part of your brain was performing quite admirably.

"My parents abused me when I was a child." Okay, and knowing what this feels like, you are going to choose to spread the love to your own kids in the same fashion? Hmmm, sounds to me like you oughta be knocking the crap out of your parents vs. your kids.

"My father cheated on my mother." And seeing what your mom went through behind it, you are choosing to treat your own spouse the same way. Sorry, I just don't see how that works.

"You looked at me the wrong way the other day, so I just decided to get back at you by spreading lies about you to your friends and neighbors." Sounds to me like it's time for your inner child to grow the heck up.

These are the same people who offer qualified apologies:

"I'm sorry but......"
"I know I was a jerk but....."
"I know that I hurt your feelings but...."

But what? But despite the fact that you know that you were in the wrong and that your behavior was unacceptable and inappropriate, you are still seeking to put the blame on someone other than yourself? That you are still trying to find excuses that make you look good?

It's called ACCOUNTABILITY. Admitting that you were wrong without blaming anyone but you. No ifs, ands or buts......no qualifiers. Just saying "I'm sorry......I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?"

Sounds pretty simple ......why do so many people find it so hard to do?

Peace alllll...............

My Meme

Got this one from OGO, who was tagged by Heather:

Five Things I Miss About Being A Kid:

1. My mom's bedtime stories. These weren't made up fairy tales....no Cinderella or once upon a time. My mom was born during the Depression and I always used to like to hear her stories of buying a week's worth of groceries for a dollar, or going to see the movies for a nickel, the radio serial shows that used to come on and how they made it with no AC or television. Or her high school romances and the 'one that got away'. It got to the point that I had heard all of the stories at least 5 times by the time I was 18 and I still wanted to hear them over and over again. I tell them to my kids now. When I was in grade school, I also used to ask her to 'give me something to dream about' before I went to bed and she always did. I never slept as well as I did then.

2. Back to school: Although I loved the summer as much as any other kid, back to school was always a thrill. New clothes, new school supplies, new BOOKS. Plus, back when I was a kid, school started a little closer to fall than it does now and so that fall smell was in the air.

3. Summertime. Lightning bugs, june bugs, dragon flies, cicadas .....I used to catch 'em all. Plus, rolling around in the grass all day and treating the chigger bites at night. Mom didn't let you sit under the AC all day then and there were no video games or PCs so you made your own fun. You either went swimming in the creek or the closest neighbor's pool or you went out and played games. You remember those: Hide and Seek, Tag, Red Rover, cowboys and Indians ( I was always the Indian thank you:))

4. Holidays: Christmas and Halloween were (are) my two favorites. Wondering what Santa was going to bring me, going to church and looking at all the lights all over town. On Halloween, my mom used to decorate the house as well and sit just behind the front door (with all the interior lights off) and try to scare the kids when they came up on the porch. Worked pretty well, as evidenced by the amount of candy we had left over;)

5. Saturdays!: Now that I'm grown, Saturday is just another work day for me. However, when I was a kid, it was a mini-vacation. For the first few hours of the day, the T.V. was mine: cartoons, cartoons, cartoons, and then American Bandstand (funny, Dick Clark still looks the same now as he did then). After that, it was a full day of bike riding, going to the creek, selling Girl Scout cookies (you could actually go from house to house then), going to my friends' house and dancing to records (that's right : records, not CDs) and roller skating on skates with metal wheels. Busted my butt more than a few times on those.

Even though I am now too old (and often too cynical) to enjoy kid's stuff the same way that I did back then, I can watch my own kids enjoy it now. And, sometimes, that's even more fun for me. Hopefully, me playing "Mad Dog" with them will be one of their favorite memories. I know it'll be one of mine.

Peace allll..........

Gang of Four

These are my four favorite guys. They are Jakob (aka Fish), Joshua (aka Moona Tuna), Grover (aka Grover (he's holding Jakob when he was like 2 months old (Jakob that is, not Grover;))), and Lukas (aka Louie). They are loud, messy and absolutely disruptive and I love them all, yes I do:). As for my picture, I keep trying to take it but the camera keeps breaking;) Of course, these pictures are about 6 months old, except Grover's (that's like a year) but everybody still looks pretty much the same. Grover just has a little less hair is all.....mwuahahaha! Just thought I would give faces to the names I rant and rave about:)

Peace alllll............

Tin Can Alley

Life is hard. This is a fact. The longer you live and the more you experience, the more things you tend to pick up and carry. Some people refer to this as 'baggage', some people call it 'clutter.' I call it my collection of tin cans. One tin can is not too hard to manage, but when you get a whole lot of 'em stored up they can be one heavy, noisy, ugly mess. Periodically, you need to sit down and sort through your cans. Before you can do that, however, you have to unload all of them. Then you can pick out the ones that have become such a part of you that you would not be the same person without them.

The cans that I have unloaded are: insecurity, self-doubt, self-loathing, anxiety, what ifs, unconstructive negativity, beating myself up, toxic people,.........and the list goes on and on and on. Of course, over time these will build back up again...they always do. Like dust bunnies under your bed. But for now, they are not hindering me.

These are the cans that I have decided to keep:

My faith in God: easily done some days, other days....well, maybe a little harder. But it is who I am. I can't live without Him...don't even want to try.

My marriage: yes, this had to be looked at as well. Of course, I was sure this was a keeper (pretty sure anyway.....hey, we all have our days ya know;)).

My kids: was there ever any doubt? Of course not.....my life's most important work is raising good kids who eventually turn out to be even better adults one day.

My job: this was a hard one;however, I really do like the people I work with. Not my bosses, mind you.....still can't stand most of them. My co-workers are the best group of people I could ever hope to work with. Not to mention my regular customers who threatened to hunt me down and shoot me if I quit. God bless 'em all. For a group of (mainly) drunks and college students (or both) they ain't too bad.

And last but not least....

My blog: this may sound incredibly stupid to a lot of people and that is perfectly fine with me. But I wasn't sure if I had anything else to say...at least anything relevant. However, after going through you guys comments and blog obits (I had never heard of that until now by the way) and at least 2 (count 'em ....2) boxes of tissues while doing so......maybe I was wrong. Okay, I'll admit it. One of the few times in my life I have readily agreed to do so. I WAS WRONG. I still have a lot to say, relevant or not.....maybe too much some days. But I must ask, before I post another word on here.....please accept my heartfelt apologies. I AM TRULY SORRY.......and I humbly ask each and every one of your forgiveness for being such a selfish, inconsiderate troll. If you never decide to visit me again I will certainly understand.

Thank you all for being there for me during a very (and you don't even know the half of it) difficult time. You guys have supported me more than my own family has through this and for that you have my eternal gratitude.

My mom used to tell me: "Be careful how you approach a person. You don't know what kind of day or what kind of life they have had.....your words could make them or break them. Be kind."

Thank you for making me.

Thank you for being kind. It's a lost art these days.

And now....if you'll excuse me....I have to pick up my chosen cans (not to mention a third box of tissues).

Like I said ......I wouldn't be the same without you. Y'all are the best.:)

Peace allllll..............

The Time Has Come

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of many things.....of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings."- Lewis Carroll

One of my favorite quotes of all time.....my mom taught the whole thing to me when I was a kid....I think that may have something to do with it. She used to quote it when she wanted to talk to me....about serious things, silly things.....anything really.

It has been my great pleasure over the past year to become blog friends with many of you. Your stories, rants, raves, kvetching and observations have made my day many, many times. You have made me laugh, cry.....occasionally you have ticked me off (like that's new;)).....but you have always made me think....and that's a good thing...for anyone. You have often unknowingly provided much needed comfort by making me realize that I am not alone in a world that has sometimes gone mad. You have all provided what I consider friendship, the finest gift that anyone can receive.

And for all of the above I thank you dearly from the bottom of my heart.

I always end my posts with the phrase "peace alllll.......". The reason for this is that I think peace is the greatest blessing one person could hope for another. Peace of heart, peace of mind, peace of spirit. That no matter what your situation, no matter how rough it may be, that you will have peace within. Because if you have that, then everything else may not be inconsequential, but certainly a lot more bearable. This is my wish for you all......peace.

Shane: You are so much further along your path than you will ever know. Decades from now, hopefully you will look back and realize this. Open your heart, get to know yourself a little better, give yourself a break sometimes. It's hard being a man, and it doesn't get much easier, no matter how much you know. So give yourself some credit. Thanks for being the first person to ever really read this explosion of words several months ago. And remember, when the clocktower comes calling.....don't pick up the phone. Thank you for pride and honesty.

Heather: My God, you are a beautiful woman. And I don't mean just on the outside. You have a beautiful spirit, a warmth that comes through in every word you write. Do not let anyone take that from you......ever. You may be small but I firmly believe you cover all of the ground you stand on. You have the three greatest assets that any woman can possess: wisdom, the soul of a warrior and the heart of a lion. Thank you for beauty and sunlight through autumn leaves.

Red: Cinnamon, red hot candies, salsa........and tango as well. You have so many words...so many truths and never enough time to put them all out there. No matter what your hair color .....Red is the perfect word for you. Thank you for fire and explosions, and just for being so ticked off sometimes. It wakes the world up around you.

OGO: A feather bed with a down comforter. Such a Momma (and that is such a good thing!) There are just not enough words that I can put in the right ways to tell you how I feel. So I will just say: thank you for being my FRIEND. It means more than you know.

CCB: A gremlin with a wicked sense of humor. Thank you for seeing the funky, freaky side of life.

Adrienne: You are stronger than you realize. May the wings of angels and the hand of God hold you and bless you.

Thank you all for being there.

And now I must say good night.

God bless you ......even those of you who don't believe in Him.

And to all of the lurkers and anonymous readers: thanks for stopping by!

She opens the door.....
Turns out the light...
Steps outside....
Closes the door.....
And walks off into the night.

And now one last time....
For all of you......

Peace alllllllllllll......................

Warning: Extreme Randomness Ahead

I love my job...sometimes. But lately I have been torn between being a stay at home mom or staying in the outside work force.

I would love to be a SAHM and it really wouldn't require a whole lot of financial dancing to make it work. However, I love to work outside the home as well....most of the time anyway. However, I can't escape the feeling of guilt in that somehow I am disenfranchising my kids somehow by not being at home with them all the time. (Ain't momma guilt a b****?) However, once again, once they start school, if I do stay at home, then what do I do? There not going to be there most of the day then and......well, I really don't know.

I have a feeling either way it goes, I'm gonna still feel guilty about it.

I had a customer last night who was drunk (yeah, what else is new, right?). He was so drunk that he forgot to pay his check (sure he was....wink, wink, nudge, nudge)....well, when the manager followed him out into the parking lot and brought him back in, he at first tried to pay for his meal with a pack of cigarettes (that's a new one on me). Then he asked could he bring the money in the next day for it. Ummm, yeah, since you've already established so much trust by walking out in the first place. He finally ended up calling a friend to come and pay for the bill. Too bad his friend couldn't have left a tip for him as well;)

And then there were the two young gay men who were having a lover's spat (quite loudly I might add) for about 45 minutes....."Well, if you loved me, you would do this for me!" Yeah, if y'all loved me you would shut up and go home.

Why is my best friend so horribly afraid of butterflies? She once had a dream when she was a teenager that she was attacked by a group of "gangster butterflies"......with Uzis and wearing pinstriped suits. She has been terrified of them ever since.

Heat indices have been up to 109 here. The lows here have only been in the mid to upper 70's. I still have customers that come in my air-conditioned workplace and say "oooh, it's cold in here." Somebody please give me a blunt object so I can make quick and thorough use of it.

I believe I am having a mid-life crisis a few years too soon.

There is a 17 year old that I work with that has asked me and a co-worker to take him out on his 18th birthday because he "loves older women" (insert wild, raucous and unrestrained laughter here....) How old do you have to be to qualify as "an older woman" I wonder.

My kids have gotten into the ink pad and they're walking around looking like photograph negatives now.

Remember, all in all......life is good.....just moments of it may suck. I think I'm having a moment.

Peace allllll.............

Hey, Harry...

Well, I bought my copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince yesterday and finished it today. And well, what can I say? I laughed, I cried, I wanted to jerk a knot in Ms. Rowlings for the (in my opinion) horribly unfair ending. However, that's just me......

For all of those people who are in an uproar over the whole Harry Potter series: get a grip! I am a Christian woman and have been for some time. I am very careful about what books I let my kids read, this is true. HOWEVER, having read the entire Harry Potter series, I can say only one thing.....this is fantasy people! There is no real Hogwarts school of magic....it's a fairy tale! If your child does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, then by all means do not let them read this material. But any kid who knows what the term "make believe" means I think is pretty safe reading it. Of course, you have to consider these people are the same ones who would have no qualms about reading "Three Blind Mice" ( a tale of animal abuse.....tale/tail....get it? ha ha!!) or "Rumplestiltskin" (psychotic little troll he was). As a matter of fact, if you read "Grimm's Fairy Tales" or even "Mother Goose", that stuff is pretty darn scary when you think about it!

Remember, the common fairy tales that we grew up with were once considered almost heresy. They turned out to be what?.......fairy tales, make believe stories....fantasy. So is Mr. Potter and his group. And besides, you can always consider the fact that it is a good vs. evil story. And good eventually wins, despite some side steps along the way. I think anybody can take heart in that.

Peace allll.............

P.S. At least the kids who are reading these books are READING. And who knows, if they read one, they may read more! Oh, my, a country with children who can actually read....who woulda thunk it????

Vexations

It is almost 5 a.m. here at sprinkles house, the house of sprinkles aka sprinkles emporium. Everyone is asleep but me, as usual. This is the perfect time to go over the last few days in my head and just start chunking stuff out. These are the things that have vexed me this week.

1. My friend Meghan got played. See, she went out with this guy a couple of times, slept with him (not the smartest thing), and now he has told her at the beginning of the week that he is moving in the next week and a half to Texas to become a member of the San Antonio police department. Now, in my opinion, I think that he was probably well aware that he was going to be doing this before they started seeing each other, considering the fact that they only "dated" for 2 weeks. I also think that maybe he could have given her this little tidbit of information before they SLEPT TOGETHER. Would have just been the gentlemanly thing to do. But then again, maybe I'm just a little behind the times.

2. My best friend , Rachel and I had a heated debate the other morning about 2 a.m. were she was more or less blaming God for everything that had gone wrong in her life. Yeah, yeah, we all do that from time to time. However, when it comes to blaming God for the choices that YOU have made during your life, well, that's just refusing to accept responsibility for your own actions. Plus, why are you arguing about this at 2 in the morning? Go to bed!

3. Grover and I had a minor tiff yesterday morning. I believe the two most memorable lines from that one were:
Grover: "oh, grow up!"
Lila: "oh, go to hell!"
There is a lot to be said for being succinct, yes? ;) Anyway, he apologized later.....about 12 hours later....because he finally realized it was his fault. Like I told him, I knew it was his fault in the first place and if he had just listened to me, he would have been alright. Men....can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em without getting caught.

4. Who are these customers that bring their small, very small children out to a resaurant at 3 in the morning? Take those kids home and put them in the bed please. (Unless of course, you're traveling or there is some other really good excuse to have them out at that ungodly hour)

5. Josh, my 11 year old, has begun to complain about the chores he is given around the house. His catchphrase? "I'm tired" in that whiny, petulant, 2 octave above dog hearing range voice. I know, darling......swimming everyday and watching the Disney channel all night must be so taxing on your youthful body. Wanna trade places?? I would pull a "Freaky Friday" in a minute if I could. Tired.....hmph.

6. On the 4th of July, a teenager threw a firework the wrong way and it exploded right by Grover's ear. He has been to the doctor twice, is on medication to reduce the insane amount of swelling in his ear canal and they are not sure if there is nerve damage or not, hopefully not. I can't find the teenager in question. I know he is around here somewhere and when he pops his little cowardly head out of his self-imposed gopher hole, I will be there to give him the thrashing he deserves. Idiot....there are rules for fireworks for a reason.

7. I spent an hour and a half last night cooking a wonderfully cholesterol laden dinner and hardly anyone ate because they were all "really tired.....the rain over the past few days just really has us all dragging". Yeah, well, drag your happy butts into the kitchen and clean it, because I've done all the work I'm going to do in there for one day. Oh, yeah, and we're having leftovers tonight! (BTW, it was pork chops, squash casserole and fried green tomatoes....a true southern epicurean delight!)

Anyway, I'll stop here for now. Not that I don't have a lot more stuff to kvetch about....I do. I just really, really, really hate the number 8. Don't ask me why....it's a long story.

And Grover's alarm is going off, so it's time to do the adult babysitting job of making sure he gets up for work on time.......again.

Peace alllll...............

Darnit, Dennis!

Well, Hurricane Dennis has just hit south Alabama along the Pensacola area. And seeing as how that isn't too terribly far away from us, I am sure we will be experiencing the usual flooding and high winds fairly soon. And since this is Alabama, the electricity will go out for a time I am sure. Ah......you gotta love the south!

Anyhow, I am going to go enjoy the cool breeze before the rains run me in and then....nap time. If this weather is good for nothing else, it makes for the best sleep.

Here's hoping for the best for the guys south of me. The ones that didn't evacuate and decided to stick it out down there. God bless you all and be safe. For the rest of them that decided to head this way....IHOP is open 24/7. See ya there!

Peace allll.............

Hormonal Happenings

I don't know if it's actually hormones or not, but I have found myself becoming strangely irritable over small things the past couple of months...such as:

Why do men think it's funny to teach their small children revolting things? Like how to say 'fart' and how to belch as loudly as possible?

What is the deal with these ridiculous looking ear pieces that people are wearing all the time so they can talk on their cell phones ALL the time? They look like they have some sort of extra appendage growing out of their ears. Particularly annoying are the ones that flash in the rainbow array of colors. Can we say.....let's stop being so self-absorbed and insulated and join the real world for.....oh, I don't know....how about....a real CONVERSATION?

The LED belt buckles. I'm going to buy one of those and it's just going to scroll....QUIET!

Why do people, once they have made their point, keep making their point? Why do they babble on and on and on? At some point it goes from making your point to just whining. (see: LED belt buckle...QUIET!)

Why have people in the public service industry become so rude lately? I really don't want to have to see you any more than you want to see me but since we're both here, can't we make the best of it?

Why, for the hundredth time, does Grover set that alarm for 6 a.m. when he knows that he's going to hit the snooze 20 times and not get up until 7:30?

When did this world become so shallow?

Why is Angelina Jolie adopting a child from Ethiopia when there are so many kids here that need a good home? Oh, yeah......that 'make me feel good about me' thing she's got going. (sorry about that...yes, I do believe in 'saving the world'; however, I also believe that charity begins at home)

When did slang, ebonics, and colloquiliasms become accepted forms of public speech?

'Bootylicious' is in the dictionary now........and they wonder why Asia is so far ahead of us in education.

When did so many women and young girls decide to dump the enigma and mystery of womanhood and replace it with "i'll show you mine if you'll show me yours"?

What self-respecting woman exposes her breasts for a string of plastic beads?

Don't worry....I think that this episode of crankiness will be over in another oh, 20 or 30 years maybe.

Peace allllll..............

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY !!!

And a special thank you to all of our Armed Forces who are working to make sure we remain independent. Thanks guys (and girls) and God bless you all!

Live8??...Coulda Had a V8 Instead

Well, well, well.......I have witheld comment or opinion on this whole Live8 thing until it was pretty much said and done. And this is what I think:

That simply had to be the most stunning display of elitist, arrogant, pompous back patting I have ever seen. Let's see.....major stars, major money to put this event on, massive cash for publicity, expensive gift baskets for the performers, etc., etc. And the whole purpose of this entire shindig was "to raise awareness." Not money for any charitable causes, but "awareness."

Wonder how many people died of AIDS while they were gladhanding and raising "awareness"?

Wonder how many kids died in Africa and in this country as well while entertainers were pawing through their luxury gift baskets? (And if you think that kids in this country don't die of starvation, think again. One in 500 kids goes to bed hungry every night....EVERY NIGHT....in this country.)

Wonder how many homeless people are still homeless after all this "awareness" was raised?

I don't think the problem is awareness here people.

I don't think the answer is a free concert to make people feel better about themselves for a minute because they are now "socially conscious".

I think that maybe a better thing would be to actually do some leg work . You know, if you happen to be one of those multi-millionaire entertainers, versus creating a charity with your name on it (now that's an ego stroke!) with a massive payroll, walk the street until you find someone who needs help, then do something crazy, like.....oh, I don't know....help them get an education, or a job or a meal or a blanket or something..... just something that doesn't require a lot of publicity or a luxury gift basket for you. You know..do something from the heart.

This works well for regular, non-celebrity people as well. Wanna raise AIDS awareness? Volunteer in a hospice, or work on the AIDS quilt (they always need volunteer seamstresses). Write your congressperson and request them to ask for money for research.

If you want to raise awareness concerning poverty or the homeless, get a group of people to go out in the streets and hand out blankets or sandwiches or something.....just something.

These are small things and they will certainly never solve the problem. However, in my opinion, it's a lot more productive than standing around listening to free music and simply being "aware" of what's happening.

Awareness - Action = APATHY

Something I hope these guys remember when they're flying first class to sleep on their silk sheets tonight.

Peace allll.........................

Weighing In On This One

I am not, nor have I ever been a Tom Cruise fan. He is just a little too schmarmy for me. (Yep, I know he is heartbroken I feel this way. I imagine he is crying into his bankbook right now.) Up until this point I have been pretty much able to ignore him....because he hasn't really irritated me. Well, except for that whole schmarminess thing (sorry guys, cheesiness really gets my goat...goat cheese...get it? HAHAHA!...ehem....sorry).

But I was reluctantly drawn by this whole Brooke Shields/Tom Cruise rumble that's been goin' on lately. (They would be great in West Side Story in my opinion;)) And I must say one thing: Tom Cruise is an arrogant, ignorant piece of work who has evidently misconstrued fame for intelligence. Dollars do not equal brain cells Tom. (just in case you're reading this of course)

I wrote in a post a couple of weeks ago that although I do not like drugs being the sole source of treatment for any mental/emotional disorder, that they DO have their place. They certainly have their place in the treatment of post-partum depression. See, post-partum depression is primarily hormonal, the result of a woman's system trying to rebalance itself after being set in a certain fashion for ...oh.....9 MONTHS. Most women have some form of post-partum depression, ranging from the mildest of the 'baby blues' to full on psychotic episodes. Medication is a good thing for the latter. Hear that, Tom.....a GOOD thing.

And how any MAN could tell you how a WOMAN is supposed to feel after carrying a life inside her for 9 months and then expelling it from her body in pain and sweat is beyond me. The next time he gives birth maybe he will reconsider his opinion. But probably not.

My opinion is this (for what it's worth): if you have recently had a child and feel like you need help by all means GET IT. Please do not allow the opinions of this mighty mouse locked away in his 14 million dollar ivory tower sway you. If it keeps you from killing yourself or your child, then it was well worth it.

I have a lot more to say on this but for now I think I will just keep it short. Cuz I'm a girl and I'm afraid I'll get all emotional and stuff.

See, it's that kind of attitude that has kept women in the back seat for so many years. Good luck, Ms. Holmes...you're gonna need it.

Peace allllll.............

Some Days

Some days I think I'm crazy
Some days I think I am a fool
Some days I wonder what the heck I am doing
Some days I think that I have gone too far
Some days I think that I will never go far enough
Some days I feel like a failure and a fraud
Some days I wish that people knew the real me
Some days I hope to Heaven that they don't
Some days I feel like I'm okay
Some days I feel like I never will be
Some days it just doesn't matter because whatever will be will be
Some days I rage against that fact
Some days I don't like to look in the mirror because I don't know that person
Some days I am just confused about this place, this life, this day

Today is one those days.

Here's to all of the people that have it together. Can you please give me the password so I can have it together too?

Peace allll........

Memories.....Do Somethin' in The Corners of My Mind

Most of what we are today is fashioned by what we remember from yesterday. We set our tables a certain way because that's how we were trained to do it as children. We brush our teeth and clean our homes a certain way and eat certain foods because that's what we have been doing 'since we were kids'. Well, what if you can't remember how it was when you were a kid? What if that part of your life is gone from your memory? What would you do to get it back? Would you want it back? All of it....the good and the bad?

When Grover was 12, he was in an accident. He was at a young girl's house, friend of his, with a couple of other friends. Now this young lady's dad was the sherrif and her brother was a sherrif's deputy. She decides to show Grover and the others her brother's gun. It was a .22 LR (longrifle). About the time she brings the gun into the room, Grover (who is a Boy Scout at the time) tells her "you might want to put that up before you hurt someone". No sooner than those words are out of his mouth, the gun accidentally goes off. Grover is shot in the chest from two feet away with with this .22 LR which is loaded with hollow points. The young girl's mother (who is an RN) hears the gunshot, runs into the room, has someone call and ambulance and proceeds with CPR.

At the hospital, the doctors do not expect Grover to make it. They have him in surgery, where he dies. He remains clinically dead for 18 minutes. That's no pulse, no pressure....nothing for 18 minutes. That's a long time...a very long time ...to be dead. How he manages to come back is anyone's guess. His heart just started beating again. After this, of course, they didn't expect him to remain alive for very long after the surgery. So they just patched him up and went on.

He was not supposed to make it. Having made it, he was never supposed to be able to walk, talk, eat, think or breathe on his own. But he did. He did that and more. He taught himself to walk again, to talk again and eveything else. Just because he wasn't supposed to be able to. Because he's hardheaded like that;). But there is one thing that he has not been able to do. He can't remember. Anything from the first 12 years of his life. Occasionally he will have flashes of something but nothing that can be qualified as an actual memory. This has been more than a little frustrating for him. Especially now that he has children of his own and he would like to share stories from his childhood with them, except he can't remember any of his childhood to share.

I have trained myself to be more careful of the 'when I was a kid' stories around him, not that he has ever said anything about it but because I don't want him to be uncomfortable hearing them.

He wants to remember but he doesn't know how. It's a hard road to walk but he does it the same way he does everything else....with sheer determination and force of will. I have to give him credit because I don't know if I could do the same thing if it were me. To have to start your life all over again, with no reference points for the simple things. But he's done a fabulous job. And maybe when he's in his twilight years, he can take the life he's living now and be able to say "I remember when" with the rest of us. Somehow, that seems to be shallow comfort but it's what he has for now.

Peace allll ..........

To Tell Ya The Truth.....

Several days ago, I read a couple of really, really good posts from Edge and Shane concerning the topic of honesty. I have been observing the people closest to me ever since to see how they stack up on the 'honesty scale.'

Most people I know do pretty well, as they attempt to be truthful most of the time, reserving the 'white lie' only when trying to save face or spare feelings. There are a couple that lie to breathe (that is, if they are breathing , chances are they are lying about something) but I can deal with those people because I KNOW that they are chronic liars and I just want to hear what kind of story they'll come up with this time. (They are quite inventive, these people....expecially the guy who said he was chased through the Alaskan wilderness by drug dealers on snow shoes.)

However, there is a third group of people that I simply cannot tolerate. These are the ones who use 'honesty' as an excuse for brutality. You know, the ones who simply cannot tell the truth with a modicum of tact but must be as rude about it as humanly possible, as if they are trying to see how low they can cut you down. And if you asked them why they say the things that they do, they will respond with the time honored phrase "What, you didn't want me to lie did you?"

No, I didn't want you to lie. Honesty is the best policy and so forth. However, I did expect you to take the 30 seconds it would have taken to arrange your 'truth' in the nicest form and not just blurt out the first thing that popped into your head. You see, children do that and we allow it because they are children. In the world of adulthood, there are other things to be considered....like how we might make another person feel, how we might be making ourselves look (in other words, if you don't want people to think you're an ass don't act like one) and what the verbal and physical responses to our 'honesty' will be. (Ever been popped upside the head for calling someone ugly? Keep calling people that and you will be)

I guess what I am trying to say in my rambling, long winded way is this: be honest, be truthful.... but above all ....be considerate. Much of our truth is subjective.....merely our opinion on things....and as such our idea of truth may or may not be someone else's. Keep that in mind before you publicly announce that your co-worker's breath stinks or that yes, that dress DOES make your wife look fat. (Believe me, someone else will think she's a beauty queen even if you don't)

And sometimes, in our quest for truth it's best to realize that the greatest truths are often found in silence.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

Peace alllllll...........

Let Me Tell Ya What Happened.....

Well, last week was an interesting (translate: sucked really bad) week.

Monday, the day of the IHOP meeting remember? One of my co-workers, Meghan, came to pick me up for that meeting, along with two other co-workers. About a mile away from the restaurant, her car overheated and just stopped. So we managed to push it into a little neighborhood and on to the side of the street. We call to see if someone can pick us up and we are told that the meeting has started, no one can leave, and when can we get there. Now, bear in mind, it's only 98 degrees outside, heat index oh, like 102 and we are stuck on the side of the road. So, I called Grover, he left work early and came and picked us up. By the time we got there the meeting was OVER. See, I could stayed have home and just cleaned the house.

Tuesday, had to take Lou to the dentist. Suffice it to say, that is enough said for that day.

Wednesday....had to hurry and make up for all of the housecleaning, laundry and bull that I didn't get done earlier in the week.

Thursday...went to work and proceeded to spill a tray of drinks all down a customer's back. (haven't done that in about 5 years) Fortunately, they were iced teas and waters, so they didn't burn her, just woke her up really good.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday....the deadest weekend businesswise I have ever had...no money, just a lot of aggravation....oh, and did I mention PMS is a bi......?

So, here's looking forward to a better week. For everyone.

Thank you for your time.:)

Peace alllll...........

F Day

Happy, happy Father's Day to:

Fathers:
Men who are fathers
Men who are soon-to-be fathers
Men who would like to be fathers.....'one day'
Men who have been fathers
Adoptive fathers
Step-fathers
Single moms who are both mothers and fathers

And to all the brothers, uncles, nephews, mentors and all around good guys who make it look easy, even when it's not.

Oh, yeah....and a special prop to divorced men who still play an active role in their childrens lives as well as pay their child support on time

Oh, yeah, yeah.....HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU GROVER! Love ya cuz:)

Peace alllll...........

Stole This List

I stole this list from Red. I know, I know.....I have no hope of coming up with an original list of my own;) But I really enjoyed doing this one. So here goes:

If I were a month I'd be: October
If I were a season I'd be: autumn
If I were a day of the week I'd be: Thursday
If I were a time of day I'd be: 3:17 a.m.
If I were a planet I'd be: Mercury
If I were a sea creature I'd be: dolphin
If I were a direction I'd be: north northwest
If I were a sin I'd be: a lie
If I were a historical figure I'd be: Rosa Parks
If I were a liquid I'd be: water
If I were a tree I'd be: a mimosa
If I were a bird I'd be: albatross
If I were a tool I'd be: a pair of needlenose pliers
If I were a flower I'd be: sunflower
If I were a kind of weather I'd be: sunny, becoming darker later
If I were a mythical creature I'd be: an elf
If I were a musical instrument I'd be: a bass flute
If I were a house pet I'd be: a parakeet
If I were a color I'd be: indigo
If I were an emotion I'd be: frustration
If I were a vegetable I'd be: a bell pepper
if I were a fruit I'd be: a white seedless grape
If I were a sound I'd be: a bird chirping in a thunderstorm
If I were an element I'd be: water
If I were a car I'd be: Mustang GTO
If I were a song I'd be: "It's a Beautiful Morning"
If I were a book I'd be: "Farnham's Freehold"
If I were a place I'd be: the subway
If I were a material I'd be: denim
If I were a taste I'd be: watermelon taffy
If I were a scent I'd be: vanilla and oranges
If I were a word I'd be: YES!
If I were an object I'd be: a chalk board
If I were a body part I'd be: a hand
If I were a facial expression I'd be: a raised eyebrow
If I were a subject in school I'd be: British Lit
If I were a shape I'd be: a triangle
If I were an ice cream flavour I'd be: Neopolitan
If I were a celebrity I'd be: Kevin Spacey
If I were a body of water I'd be: the Indian Ocean
If I were a land form/area of land I'd be: the Black Hills
If I were something made of glass I'd be: a vase
If I were something made of paper I'd be: a poem...or a grocery list

Peace allllll...........

Mental Hellth

These are the days of quick fixes and instant gratification. It seems as if no one has the patience to wait for results and real problems are covered up and buried without ever being resolved.

Depression and anxiety disorders are two of the most common mental/emotional disorders in this country. Common courses of treatment: drugs, drugs, and more drugs. Now, while it's true that drugs do have their rightful place in treatment, whatever happened to that old-fashioned concept of psychoanalysis?


I know a young lady who has had a panic disorder for about 3 years. It's a mild one, but frustrating to her nonetheless. Her shrink talks to her about once a month, just enough to refill her prescriptions for Xanax, Paxil, Buspar and several other medications. They have never once discussed other methods of treatment. They have never discussed how to change her thought processes or how she can learn to change her reactions to situations. They have simply put her on drugs and she is exactly in the same position that she was 3 years ago. That have essentially cut her off at the knees. Any time she talks about going back to work, they are quick to tell her 'no we don't think you're ready'. But they are not so quick to take her off of the drugs, or to actually sit down and find the root cause of the problem.

Children with ADD or ADHD: drugs, drugs and more drugs. So few people bother to look for another cause of the disorder. They just want the problem to go away. They don't necessarily want to fix it, they just want to shut it up. (I'm not talking about the parents mind you, but the mental health care field as a whole.)

If there is not an organic cause, something actually physically wrong with the brain itself, why keep these people on drugs for quite possibly the rest of their lives? Is that fair to them or to their loved ones? Why can't the mental health professionals just do their jobs and talk to these people, get into their heads, figure out where the wiring short-circuited? Why are they so quick to give you a feel-good pill versus going on the trip with you until you get to the end of the road labeled 'well'?

I have had a panic disorder for 15 years. For a year and a half (1997-98) I was almost completely agoraphobic. (Meaning I could almost never go out of the house without having a panic attack) The one time I managed to talk to a shrink, the first thing she told me was "Well, I would like you to try this medication." I politely told her no thank you, had my friend check out some books from the library for me, prayed a lot and did the work myself. I haven't had a severe panic attack in over 5 years. It took a long time but with the help of real friends who were willing to talk to me and education I finally overcame it.

Like I said, there is a place for drugs in treatment, but drugs alone are not the cure for anything.

I know that there are some mental health care professionals who are NOT in it for the money, who actually have a heart for helping people. There are just not enough of them.

Sorry for the rant peeps. Sometimes you just gotta haul back and let fly though.

Peace allll..........

Uri.....No Way

Okay, so I had just finished the previous post and I was channel surfing. Ran across a commercial for this product called "Urine Gone". It is supposed to eliminate urine stains and odors....around the house. That's right.... AROUND THE HOUSE. A little nauseating but I figured...okay, for people with pets and toddlers (yeah, I know they can almost be one and the same;))...accidents happen and a product like this could be put to good use.

It was when they turned the blacklight on to show 'hidden' urine stains. It looked like a urine war had taken place in this area! Did they hire people or animals to just come in and let fly? There was pee on the bed, on the potted plants, the carpet, the floors, the couch......just everywhere. How did they get ahold of so much pee? And whose job was it to be the pee-wrangler, the pee collector, the pee placer? I hope he or she got paid really really well.

Just a freaky little blip in my day.

Peace allll..............

Monday Monday and My Job Sucks

Monday is my off day. On this day I normally spend a lot of time trying to restore my house to its fomer glory...i.e. the way it looked before I had to work all weekend and leave it to the whims and wiles of a handful of males whose idea of cleaning is to toss everything in the bedrooms or under the couches. Anyhow, this is what I do on Mondays. Once I get into the cleaning groove, I hate to be disturbed. It interrupts the rhythm, ya know. Today I have been interrupted.

IHOP is coming out with new and improved menus. (Like I care.) We are expected to learn each and every new item and refresh ourselves on the old ones (Like I care.) To aid us in this most noble cause, we are having a mandatory staff meeting at 3 p.m. today to discuss MENUS. Not tardiness, laziness, gossiping, shiftlessness, company policies or any of the many other worthwhile topics but menus. An hour and a half at least of my day wasted when they could just give us a copy of the new ones, tell us to learn it and have a nice day. But nooooooooo....that would be too simple and make entirely too much sense. They have to have the top dogs from the corporate office come down and hold our hands through this process like we just got off of the short bus this morning. Unfortunately I do not believe there will be a question and answer period at any point during this meeting but if there is I have a couple of questions:

1. Why, if we are not actually waiting on a table, are we expected to be clocked out on a break? This is the first restaurant I have ever worked in where they do not 'run breaks'. No thirty minutes of unadulterated time for you to sit down. You have to get in where you fit in.

2. Why is there a padlock on the inside of the back door in the kitchen? You can't get in from the outside, so why padlock the inside? Is this not a direct violation of the fire code? Just curious.

3. Do we have a random drug testing policy? If you want to drugs that's your business but I get so tired of working with people who can't handle what they ingest, start feeling sick and then just have to go home.


Anyhow, I'll leave the rest of my griping for another day. I have to go comb my hair. (See... another interruption....I normally don't do that on Monday;)) (That was a joke people)

I wonder if we're supposed to take notes during this meeting. I wonder if anyone would get mad if I raised my hand and asked how to spell 'pancake'? Just a thought.

Peace alllll...............

Everywhere You Go.....

Everywhere you go, there you are......

When I was a kid, I used to daydream about what I would be when I grew up. And for a day or two I swore I would be....an astronaut, a pilot, a ballerina, a rock star, a veterinarian...etc. Until I realized that....you have to pee in your suit, you have to fly, you have to be ridiculously short, you have to be able to sing, and animals die sometimes, respectively.

Now that I am grown (physically anyway;)), I still daydream about what I could be and where I could go and what I could do when I get there. Of course, I recognize these for what they are...just daydreams, fantasies of what could be and what could have been. Everyone has them.

Everyone has dreams and everyone has regrets. These are the two main ingredients of life. No matter how hard you try to follow the first you can't avoid the latter. Why didn't I do this when I had the chance? Why did I do this when I could have done something else....something better?

Truth is, it probably wouldn't have been better....just different. And as long as you're breathing, you still have the chance.

A 'good life' isn't made up of money, a nice house and a fancy car. It isn't made up of extraordinary adventures and prestigous awards. It's made of simpler things. A walk in the park, a cat purring on your chest, jack-o-lanterns, snow, a glass of iced tea on a scorching summer day, holding hands when there's nothing else left to hold on to......threads of everyday life that weave the blanket that will cover you on the day of your last breath.

You may one day be remembered for having a lot of money, or being a great leader, or having many adventures....but not by the ones that matter. To the ones that are closest to you, the important ones, you will be remembered for who you were, not necessarily what you did.

Your truest goal in life is to be the best, most loving, most caring, kind, compassionate person that you can be. And you can do that right in your own backyard.

Remember this.....the grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but once you climb that fence, all ya see is a lot of ragweed. And you can't always get back to the flowers that you left behind. (Yeah, yeah....I know that was a little too metaphorical...so sue me;))

Peace allll............

Fathers and Sons....and Daughters Too

Grover and I took the kids swimming the other day. I know that sounds like a simple thing considering the pool is no more than 100 yards from our apartment but with an 11, 2 and 1 year old, it's like preparing for Hannibal's journey across the Alps. Gathering towels, floats, sunblock, sunglasses, hats, etc., etc. can be a monumental chore for just a couple of hours of fun in the sun. But it was worth it.

As I was sitting at a poolside table I watched my boys (Grover included;)) as they played in the water. There was much kicking and splashing and dunking and laughing and all around noise-making. And it struck me....this day is one of the happiest days in my life and hopefully my boys will remember it as one of "the good ole days" of theirs. And it is due, in large part, to Grover.

My father, for those of you who don't know this already, was an abusive, drunken beast of a man. I was told at the age of 4, by him, that he hated me, that I was a problem, and that if abortion had have been an option I would not even be there. He told me this on one of the few occasions where he was stone cold sober so I knew that he meant it. (Of course I didn't know what an abortion was until I was, like, 10 so that stament was just the gift that kept on giving huh?) I never understood his motives for telling me that and I don't understand it now. Of course, that was the beginning of the end of the relationship between me and my father. Many nights I heard him and my mom arguing and he proposed on more than one occasion that she should have gotten rid of all of us (my brothers and sister included....this was an equal opportunity household after all...I wasn't the only one who dealt with it..I just got the brunt of it.) I think that he hated me the most because I was so close to my mom. Of course, after he divorced my mom when I was 10, it was one of the happiest days of my life because it meant that I never had to deal with him again...or so I thought. He still came around occasionally to share the love when his latest girlfriend had kicked him out.

I swore to myself when I was young that if I ever had kids I would never treat them like that nor would I allow their father to do so. Because I know what it felt like and I know the damage that it has done. But I always wondered and worried about what would happen if I ever found myself in that situation with my own husband one day, with the father of my kids.

I don't wonder or worry about it anymore.

Grover is everything that my father was not. His sons are his world and there is nothing that he would not do for them. I have seen his eyes light up when he comes through the door from work and his boys are running to him for their "Hey daddy" hugs. I have seen him kiss them on their forehead while they are sleeping (or eating, or playing, or just virtually ignoring him at the time). He has broken into applause when they conquer some childhood obstacle like counting to 10 or saying their own name...or in Joshua's case bringing home the A's on the report card or getting the high score on Tekken (don't know why that's important to guys but it is;)). He has comforted them when they are upset, he has explained to them why they are in trouble this time, he has prayed with them, for them and over them,and he has wept over them when they have been sick.

Grover wants to be a good father...and he is.

All of my life I have wanted a good father and I finally got one.....just not in the way that I ever expected. If I couldn't have one of my own, I can at least say that God has truly blessed me with one for my children. Because they will never know what it feels like to be unloved or unwanted or unneeded by the people who are supposed to love them the most. There are times in life where they will be hurt and scars will form but hopefully those injuries will never come from us. And in knowing that they have escaped what I went through, my own scars are finally healing over.

Thanks Grove...

Peace allll...............

It's My Turn

By request from OGO, live in Huntsville, Alabama.....ladies and gentlemen....the results of my music meme (anyone who knows what meme means please tell me because I sure don't).

1. The total volume of music files on my computer is.....a lot...a whole lot. Can't give you the exact number (that's more Grover's territory) but I have roughly 600 songs for my personal use...no telling how many Grover or Joshua have.

2. The last CD that I bought was...Suite for Flute and Jazz Piano by Jean Pierre Rampal. It was actually released in the late 80's and it took me forever to find this copy. (Yeah, I'm a band geek....so sue me;))

3. The song playing right now is...Dragula by Rob Zombie...meant to be played as loud as you can stand it

4. Five songs that mean a lot to me:

1. "Drift Off to Dream" by Travis Tritt....you guessed it .....this is our song...mine and Grover's that is

2. "The Border Song" by Elton John...hard to find these days but definitely worth it

3. "Precious Lord" preferrably the Mahalia Jackson version....has gotten me through many long days

4. "This Little Light of Mine" my babies' favorite.....guaranteed to stop any meltdown....must be
accompanied by the clapping to get the full effect

5. "This Ain't No Thinking Thing" by Tracy Byrd...you all know that I met Grover on the internet. The
third time we ever talked on the phone he broke out his guitar, played this and sang it for me over
the phone.....while I was at work. See why I married him now?;)

Okay....I'm passing this one on to Grover because I want to make sure he updates every now and again and to Adrienne if she feels like it:)

This and That

Thanks, Grover, for finally posting again! It's good to see you back in blogsville:) Now, can we please be a little more consistent? Thank you.

My children have dentist's appointments next week. At this dentist, they do not allow the parents to go back with the kids. They say that the kids are easier to handle without the parents presence. Is this something I should worry about I wonder? In this day of freaks and weirdos I guess I'm a little paranoid but I really don't like this practice.

I have had a very boring week. I have deliberately avoided the news (for once) because Grover swears that I get very hostile afterwards. He thinks it's PMS. I think it's just a reaction to government stupidity;).

Anyone that has never read Grover's blog give it a whirl. He's a weirdo but I love him still...today anyway;)
http://groversgripes.blogspot.com

Will be back with more as soon as someone ticks me off sufficiently! (Shouldn't take long around here.)

Peace all..........